Surviving the Lava Monster Phase: A Dad's Take on Baby Moana
The haptic feedback on my Apple Watch woke me from a sleep-deprived trance at exactly 3:14 PM on a Saturday. It was a decibel warning. My living room had just surpassed 90 decibels, which my watch helpfully noted could cause...
The truth about baby gronk age and our toxic prodigy obsession
The six-year-old was sitting on the examination table with an ice pack on his knee, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else on earth. His dad was standing next to him in full athletic gear, holding a clipboard and...
When your sweet newborn suddenly turns into an actual baby demon
It was exactly 6:43 PM on a Tuesday in November. The radiators in our Chicago apartment were clanking the way they always do when the wind picks up. My sweet three-month-old daughter, who had spent the entire morning peacefully cooing...
What A Baby Chimpanzee Actually Taught Me About Human Parenting
It was three in the morning in the postpartum ward. I was bleeding through a mesh pad, staring at my newborn son in his plastic bassinet, waiting for the maternal instinct software to finish downloading. I thought it would just...
What Nobody Tells You About Having a Pitbull and a New Baby
I was sitting on the sticky laminate floor of our kitchen at 2:14 AM, wearing maternity leggings with a suspicious yogurt stain on the left knee, absolutely sobbing into a mug of decaf instant coffee. I was seven months pregnant...
What To Do When Your Kid Demands A Baby Nessie Fisch On Roblox
It's 7:14 AM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing my husband's gray college sweatpants—the ones with the mysterious, hardened yogurt stain on the left knee that absolutely refuses to wash out no matter how much bleach I throw at it. I'm...
When Your Toddler Turns Into a Baby Godzilla Destroying Your House
Yesterday at exactly 4:15 PM, I found myself hiding in the pantry eating stale Goldfish crackers in the dark while my two-year-old stood victorious on the coffee table, roaring at the top of his lungs after methodically sweeping my last...
The Cry Baby Cast Reality Check: Screen Time vs Real Tears
When my son hit six weeks old, my mother-in-law told me to rub brandy on his gums. My neighbor swore by putting him in a vibrating chair on top of a running washing machine. The doctor suggested I just put...
The truth about a baby horse, toddler safety, and fairy hooves
Three people gave me completely conflicting advice when my toddler developed a sudden, violent obsession with farm animals. My mother-in-law claimed children and equines share a psychic bond that transcends language. My old charge nurse from the pediatric trauma unit...