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The absolute truth about a black baby changing diaper routine
It's 3:17 a.m. and I'm staring down twin number one (or possibly twin number two, the darkness and sleep deprivation blur them into one collective entity of demands) while the distinct, unmistakable aroma of impending doom wafts from her cot....
Black And White Stripped Leggings Baby: A 3 AM Survival Guide
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that metallic clanking sound it only makes when the wind chill hits negative twenty. It was 3 AM, and I was running on maybe forty minutes of broken sleep. I was sitting...
The truth about the best baby shoes and why ours went in the trash
It was a Tuesday morning, probably around 9 AM, and I was sitting on our living room rug wearing black yoga pants that featured a very distinct, crusted-over smear of smashed avocado on the left knee. Maya was ten months...
Why I Googled Beach Baby Onlyfans (And Other Dad Panics)
Before we packed the car for our first family trip to the Oregon coast, I made the fatal error of asking three different people for beach advice. My mother-in-law told me to let the boy run naked in the surf...
The Drowsy But Awake Deception and Other Newborn Survival Lies
I was halfway through singing a deeply out-of-tune rendition of 'Wonderwall' to a tiny human who was aggressively trying to headbutt my collarbone when I realised the greatest lie ever sold to modern parents. It was 3:17 am, Twin A...
The panic over your baby's stomach size (and why I lost my mind)
I was standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tile at three in the morning, wearing these horrific mesh hospital underwear and a nursing bra that smelled entirely like sour milk and sheer desperation. It was November, so the house was...
What I Got Completely Wrong About Building My First Baby's Layette
I was standing in the middle of our driveway in a pair of Dave's gym shorts that I'd aggressively rolled down underneath my 38-week pregnant belly, holding a tiny, stiff denim jacket with functional metal buttons, and I was just...
The Honest Guide to Surviving Your Baby's Dedication Service
We were standing in the third row of padded chairs, and my daughter was aggressively gnawing on a damp church bulletin. The pastor was three sentences into a long prayer about spiritual legacy, and all I could think about was...
The Truth About Free Baby Quilt Patterns (And What Not to Do)
I'm currently staring at a pile of mangled, vaguely triangular fabric scraps that were supposed to be matching heirloom blankets for the girls. It’s 11:43 PM. The sewing machine sitting on our dining table is making a rhythmic, grinding noise...