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Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives
I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...
The Viral Fidget Toy You Should Never Give Your Teething Infant
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Dave's faded college sweatshirt that smells faintly of old garlic, desperately sweeping my hand across our living room rug like a frantic human metal detector. I was...
When Katie And Bill Consult Lawyer About Luna's Baby Custody
I'm up to my elbows in matched toddler socks—which is to say, exactly three pairs and forty singles—when I hear the TV blaring from the living room. My mom is visiting to help out, and she's got The Bold and...
Why that "Baby Gem Boxwood" in Your Garden is a Toddler Trap
It was Tuesday, 4pm, and the sky over South London was that specific shade of bruised plum that threatens rain but only ever delivers a sort of aggressive, damp mist. I was staring at a landscaping quote from our landlord...
Why That Cute Miniature Sheep Trend Almost Broke My Sanity
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in ankle-deep Vermont mud holding a half-empty Yeti of room-temperature coffee, watching my 18-month-old daughter Maya actively attempt to French kiss a miniature farm animal. My friend Jen had...
The 3AM Google Search Disaster: A Baby Alien Sex Tape Incident
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm holding what can only be described as a glowing green piece of plastic covered in a thick, gelatinous layer of twin toddler saliva. My left eye is twitching in a rhythm that vaguely...
My Strange Internet Rabbit Hole: The Beanie Baby Payhip Search
I was standing in the kitchen at 11:42 AM on a Tuesday, wearing my husband's college sweatpants that have a mysterious bleach stain on the left knee, holding a mug of coffee that had been microwaved three separate times since...
The Ultimate Real-Life Baby Steps Trophy Guide for Parents
I was elbow-deep in shipping labels for my Etsy shop, desperately trying to get twelve custom nursery signs out the door before the post office closed, when I heard it. The distinct, terrifying sound of a twenty-pound human achieving bipedal...
The Great Padded Donut Deception: A Father's Baby Nest Confession
I was standing in the middle of our cramped London flat at 3:17 a.m., holding what looked like an oversized, over-engineered dog bed, desperately trying to remember which twin I had just fed. Maya was wailing from the Moses basket,...