The Case For The Black Baby Onesie And Retaining Your Sanity
At 2:14 PM on a damp Tuesday, exactly three weeks into fatherhood, I found myself trying to extract a screaming infant from a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans. Florence (or maybe Mabel, the sleep deprivation had completely blurred their...
Dear Past Me: The Brutal Truth About That Knitted Newborn Outfit
You're currently standing in the maternity ward at St. Thomas' Hospital, desperately trying to fold a flailing, furious five-pound infant into a miniature Aran jumper while a midwife named Brenda watches you with undisguised pity. You're sweating. The baby is...
Why a Womens Ringer Tee is Actually Medical Grade Mom Gear
I was scraping dried sweet potato off my shoulder with a lukewarm baby wipe when I finally accepted the truth about maternal fashion. The internet feeds us this massive, glittering lie that modern motherhood requires a closet full of high-tech,...
Why Traditional Toddler Rompers Are Actually A Complete Nightmare
I'm balancing my lukewarm iced vanilla latte on the edge of the incredibly questionable diaper changing station in the Target family restroom while my then two-and-a-half-year-old, Maya, is doing the frantic, knee-knocking pee dance. She is wearing this absolutely precious,...
The Truth About Infant Vintage Tees (And What to Buy Instead)
I was elbow-deep in a dusty bin at an antique mall in Waco when I found it: an authentic, 1986 tour shirt for some hair metal band, shrunk down to a size twelve months. I bought it for my oldest,...
Why Authentic Baby Band Tees Are a Terrible Idea for Your Kid
I'm currently trying to peel a rigid, stark-black AC/DC onesie off a thrashing toddler in the disabled toilet of a Wetherspoons, and I can definitively confirm that novelty infant apparel is an elaborate trap. The garment in question was gifted...
The Great Dry Rot Disaster: A Mom’s Guide to Vintage T Shirts
It was a blistering Tuesday afternoon in my Texas driveway, and I had just wrestled my oldest child—who's now basically a walking cautionary tale for my parenting—into a pristine, never-worn 1982 Journey tour tee. I found it at Canton Trade...
Why Every Parent Needs a Boys Cardigan in the Diaper Bag Now
We were crammed into a plastic portable toilet at the Parker County Peach Festival when the great sweater incident of 2019 happened. My oldest son, who is the cautionary tale for pretty much all my parenting advice, was two years...
The Great Mini-Adult Wardrobe Lie and Other Winter Baby Truths
My husband Mark was holding Maya like she was an unexploded bomb, sweat literally beading on his forehead, while I tried to aggressively shove her tiny, raw-noodle arm into the sleeve of a mustard yellow cable-knit pullover. She was three...