Dear Past Sarah: The Ash Baby GIF Meme Is Not A Medical Crisis
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, I'm staring at my glowing phone screen in the absolute pitch black of my kitchen at 3 AM, clutching my fourth cup of lukewarm decaf and absolutely convinced that my youngest child is...
Are Beanie Babies Worth Anything? A Nostalgia Reality Check
Rain is aggressively hitting my Chicago apartment windows while I try to wrestle a screaming toddler away from the front door. The UPS driver just dumped three massive, duct-taped Rubbermaid bins in the hallway. I recognize my mother-in-law's handwriting instantly....
Aishiteruze Baby And The Massive Lies I Believed About Motherhood
It’s 2017 and I'm sitting on the edge of the master bathroom tub at 3:14 AM wearing a pair of my husband’s gray sweatpants that have a highly suspicious yellow stain on the left knee. I'm holding a screaming, two-week-old...
Dear Past Me: What I Wish I Knew About The Acutane Baby Risk
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of the Honda Pilot outside the dermatologist's office. It's pouring rain, you've a lukewarm, half-empty oat milk latte leaking dangerously close to the gear shift, and...
Why I Stopped Treating the Baby Growth Chart Like a High Score
It was a bleak Tuesday morning in November, and I was standing barefoot on the cold bathroom tiles, holding a completely naked, furiously wriggling two-year-old on a digital scale, trying to do basic mental subtraction while she actively attempted to...
What Actually Happened When I Tried A Baby Guinness For My Milk
The breast pump was making that rhythmic, wheezing, dying-goose sound on my kitchen counter at three in the morning, and I was staring at exactly one-and-a-half ounces of milk in the little plastic bottle. My oldest son, Hunter—who is the...
Dear Past Tom: The Baby Invasion Trailer Will Ruin Your Week
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring blankly at a wall that needs painting, drinking a cup of instant coffee that went cold an hour ago. You're feeling incredibly smug because both twins...
Dear Past Priya: The Truth About Baby Looney Tunes
Dear Priya from last November. You're currently sitting on the floor of the nursery in our Logan Square apartment at three in the morning. The radiator is making that terrifying clanking noise again. The baby has a mild fever from...
My Disastrous Attempt at Raising a Pokémon Fan (And What Worked)
It was a Tuesday in 2019, I was running on maybe three hours of broken sleep, wearing a pair of Target leggings that smelled vaguely of sour milk, and I decided this was the perfect moment to introduce my then-two-year-old...