Magazine

A tired dad staring at a laptop spreadsheet of baby names in a dark nursery

Reverse-Engineering Adorable: The Baby Name Spreadsheet

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, roughly two weeks before our son's scheduled launch date. The only light in the half-finished nursery was the cold glow of my dual monitors. My wife, Sarah, was sitting on a deflated birthing...

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A camping tent in the woods with scattered baby gear and a wooden play gym

"A Dingo Ate My Baby": How A 90s Joke Became My Parenting Nightmare

The digital clock on the nursery wall reads 2:14 AM. The temperature monitor is holding steady at exactly 68.4 degrees. My 11-month-old son is currently using my left collarbone as a mattress, drooling a small puddle of milk onto my...

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Toddler holding a wooden toy donkey next to a blurred tablet screen

That Viral Donkey Game Is Ruining My Search History

I was pumping at three in the morning in my dark Chicago apartment, half-asleep, trying to find a specific wooden animal push-toy my mother-in-law swore was the secret to getting my toddler to walk. I typed what I thought was...

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Tired dad looking at a smartphone while holding an 11-month-old baby with a messy uneven haircut

Why My Wife Wanted the 1980s Baby Shalini Haircut at Midnight

At 1:14 AM on a Tuesday, my wife shoved a glowing iPhone into my face displaying a grainy 1980s photo of a child with a perfectly symmetrical, brutally blunt bowl-cut bob. I was barely conscious, trying to reboot my brain...

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A tired dad holding a coffee mug while two toddlers dance in the living room

Dear Past Tom: Surviving the Baby Saja Netflix Obsession

Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the battered grey sofa in our Islington flat, smugly sipping a lukewarm cup of PG Tips. The twins are peacefully napping, and you're thinking to yourself that you've finally...

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Mother pushing stroller over bumpy Chicago sidewalk

The truth about rubber baby buggy bumpers and modern stroller safety

We were somewhere on Fullerton Avenue when the sidewalk just ended. It didn't taper off or gracefully transition into a crosswalk. It just turned into a crater of jagged concrete and exposed rebar, a true Chicago masterpiece. My toddler was...

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Exhausted mother holding baby in dimly lit nursery with wooden toys

Finding the Calm in the Chaos with a Sweet Baby James Lullaby

I was standing in my oldest son's nursery at 3:14 in the morning, wearing a nursing tank top that smelled strongly of sour milk and desperation, violently swaying back and forth. Three weeks prior, at my beautifully curated baby shower,...

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exhausted millennial mom holding a crying teething baby in the kitchen

Teething Nightmares, 90s Nostalgia, and the Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and our kitchen floor was aggressively cold. Maya was six months old and shrieking like a tiny, angry banshee because her bottom left tooth was trying to break through her gums with the...

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Millennial mother holding her toddler while looking at her aging parents in a messy living room

Surviving The Baby Boomer Age With A Toddler In Your House

I brought my aging parents to live with us in Chicago last winter. Don't attempt to merge decades of generational trauma and a teething toddler by just smiling and pretending you've unlimited emotional bandwidth. It was a Tuesday when I...

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