Magazine

A newborn baby orca swimming next to its mother in the ocean

Debugging the Pod: Why a Baby Orca is the Best Parenting Blueprint

I'm sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, watching a nature documentary on mute while my 11-month-old attempts to gnaw off my left collarbone. He's wide awake, absolutely vibrating with energy, while I'm mentally calculating how many minutes of REM...

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Baby Leo wearing soft cotton overalls sitting on a messy living room rug with coffee

The Truth About Baby Overalls (And Why I Was Totally Wrong)

It was October 2017, and I was standing in the microscopic, dimly lit bathroom of a neighborhood café wearing a silk blouse I had absolutely no business wearing as a new mother, staring down at my six-month-old daughter Maya who...

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A confused dad looking at a small snake hidden in green lawn grass.

Debugging My Yard: Surviving the Juvenile Copperhead Panic

I was standing completely frozen in the wet grass holding a plastic watering can like it was a broadsword, staring intensely at a patch of overgrown clover. My smartwatch was aggressively buzzing on my wrist, alerting me that my heart...

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A half-eaten green crayon on a messy highchair tray next to a scribbled paper

The unvarnished truth about baby coloring pages and eating wax

We were sitting in a rather nice gastropub in Highbury when Florence, who was exactly eleven months and four days old, locked eyes with me and bit the top half off a complimentary red pub crayon. She chewed it with...

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Dad attempting to change an 11-month-old baby on a wooden changing table with organic cotton supplies.

The Great Baby Changing Station Lie: A Dad's Guide To Diapers

I’m holding a wipe in my teeth, my left forearm is pinning a kicking 11-month-old to a foam pad, and I’m desperately trying to unfold a clean diaper with two fingers. The biggest myth they sell you at the shower...

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A tired dad holding a pen over a blank baby shower card next to a laptop.

Debugging Baby Shower Messages: A Clueless Dad's Before and After

It's 11:14 PM, the nursery thermostat is locked exactly at 69.5 degrees because my wife insists that's the good sleep environment, and I'm staring at a blank piece of cardstock. The baby monitor on my desk looks like a paranormal...

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An exhausted dad holding a baby outside Baby Blues Luncheonette in Brooklyn

How We Survived Baby Blues Luncheonette With An 11-Month-Old

We're standing on an uneven patch of Brooklyn concrete at 10:34 AM, and I'm sweating through my flannel shirt while trying to pretend I belong here. Inside the massive glass window, a guy in a vintage beanie is slowly, methodically...

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Stressed dad holding a meat thermometer next to an 11-month-old eating meat.

Yellowstone Panic, Iron Deficiencies, And Cooking A Baby Bison

I'm sweating entirely through my gray t-shirt. The ergonomic carrier is digging a trench into my left shoulder blade. My 11-month-old son is happily attempting to rip my nose off my face, completely oblivious to the threat matrix unfolding exactly...

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A bewildered dad researching baby bee stings on his phone at a park

Why Your Outdoor Baby Bee Sting Panic Is Statistically Flawed

We were sitting on a patch of semi-dry grass at Laurelhurst Park, and I was holding a lukewarm pouch of what the label optimistically called baby beef and sweet potato puree. My 11-month-old son was violently refusing the spoon, slapping...

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