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Dear past me: The windi baby butt whistle saved my sanity
Dear past me from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold concrete floor of the garage on a random Tuesday afternoon. You're surrounded by three cardboard boxes aggressively labeled "DONATE" in black Sharpie, and you're holding a...
When is a baby no longer a newborn? The great potato awakening
I spent my first month as a father obsessively checking an app on my phone that promised to tell me precisely when the dreaded neonate phase would end. Don't do this. Don't set a calendar alert for four weeks post-delivery...
Finding Fangs: When Do Cats Lose Their Baby Teeth
Listen. I was pulling dried oatmeal off Maya's favorite baby tee when I stepped on the needle. It wasn't a sewing needle, though. I reached down to rub my heel, fully expecting to pull out a rogue piece of plastic...
When Do Babies Sleep 7pm to 7am? A Tired Mom's Truth
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-November, and I was standing in the middle of the nursery wearing a pair of maternity sweatpants that had a questionable yogurt stain on the thigh, rage-scrolling Instagram with my thumb while...
Wait What Whiskey Is Balcones Baby Blue Doing In The Nursery
I was sitting on my living room floor surrounded by crumpled pastel tissue paper and half-opened gift bags from my baby shower. My mother-in-law was perched on the sofa keeping a literal ledger of who bought what so the thank-you...
Why a wooden baby walker is the only one I trust in my house
Tuesday morning, my coffee is already cold, and my toddler is currently trying to pull himself up on a precarious mid-century modern plant stand. The heavy ceramic pot is wobbling. My heart rate does that familiar violent spike I used...
How the xiaoxia-baby webcam recorded my worst parenting moment
My mother-in-law firmly believes that baby monitors emit a mysterious frequency that turns infants into sleeper agents. My mate Dave, who treats fatherhood like a tactical military operation in hostile territory, insisted I needed a Β£300 dual-band Wi-Fi camera with...
Debugging The Baby Don't Be Bald Panic At Two In The Morning
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday when I found myself hovering over the crib, shining my iPhone flashlight directly onto the back of my 11-month-old son's head. I was trying to measure the exact radius of the bald spot...
The Cucumber Protocol: From Slippery Hazards to Teething Hacks
It's 6:15 AM in our Portland kitchen, and I'm staring at a cutting board with a digital caliper in my hand. My wife, Sarah, is pouring her coffee, watching me measure a wet green vegetable down to the millimeter. "It...