Magazine

Twin toddler holding a smartphone while sitting on a living room rug

Goro and Tropi Blowjob Baby: A Toddler Internet Safety Nightmare

It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the flat was freezing because our boiler has the temperament of an aging rock star. I was standing in the kitchen, staring intensely at the kettle, willing the water to boil through...

Read more

Toddler pointing enthusiastically at a tablet showing a fluffy baby rabbit

Viewing Baby Rabbit Growth Stages Without the Toddler Chaos

Don't, under any circumstances, take twin two-year-olds to a local petting farm during birthing season. We were knee-deep in Somerset mud last Tuesday when Twin A locked eyes with a newborn kit, let out a war cry that rattled my...

Read more

A baby covered in edible yogurt paint sitting on a high chair tray.

Real Paint Adventures vs That Homestuck MSPFA Internet Trap

I was up to my elbows in plain Greek yogurt and beet juice, desperately trying to whisk together a Pinterest-perfect non-toxic finger paint, when my oldestβ€”let's just call him Baby M for this story, though he's five now and a...

Read more

Tired dad holding a baby in a bamboo blanket looking at a clock

When Do Babies Switch To One Nap

I'm currently staring at a baby monitor that displays a room temperature of exactly 68.4 degrees and an 11-month-old standing in his crib, aggressively shaking the rails like a tiny, sleep-deprived prisoner. It's 10:15 AM. This is supposed to be...

Read more

A frustrated mom holding a toddler at the pediatric dentist office

The Truth About That First Xray of Baby Teeth (A Letter to Past Me)

Dear Jess from last October. I know exactly where you're right now. You're currently trapped in the waiting room of Dr. Evans' pediatric dental office, sweating entirely through your favorite vintage baby tee, watching Wyatt systematically dismantle a wooden bead...

Read more

Toddler resting on a personalized organic cotton blanket during tummy time

The daycare chaos that made me buy a babydecke mit namen

It was a Tuesday in November, raining sideways, and the daycare assistant handed me a blue polyester nightmare that smelled vaguely of someone else's dog. I stood there in the lobby, dripping wet, holding this static-cling disaster while my toddler...

Read more

A deeply suspicious one-year-old holding a terrifyingly loud plastic power drill

The great myth of jungen spielzeug ab 1 jahr and what to buy instead

I was standing in the intensely blue-hued aisle of a major toy retailer, holding a plastic power drill that emitted a noise normally reserved for deep-sea sonar, trying to figure out what to buy for my nephew Leo's first birthday....

Read more

Toddler in a dragon costume surrounded by wooden blocks and plush toys in a messy living room

When Baby Dragon Saves the Dukedom: Surviving the Fantasy Stage

Listen, trying to negotiate with a toddler who has currently identified as a mythical fire-breathing reptile is a rookie mistake. I know this because I spent three full days last week trying to apply clinical logic to my two-year-old's sudden...

Read more

Toddler reaching for a coffee table near a glass of whiskey

Why baby jane bourbon is a childproofing nightmare

When my son's first tooth started aggressively pushing its way through his lower gums last month, I received three distinct pieces of troubleshooting advice. My dad, operating on legacy parenting code from 1989, told me to just rub a drop...

Read more