The Real Story Behind Buying Safe Baby Clothes Without Going Broke
It was three in the morning back in 2019, and I was sitting on the cracked linoleum of our laundry room floor with a pair of orange craft scissors, literally cutting a polyester sleep-and-play off my screaming firstborn. Leo was...
How Do You Make A Baby Thrive When You're Running On Fumes
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the laundry room, eating a stale granola bar you found in your maternity jeans, while the breast pump makes that horrific wheezing sound and your four-month-old screams...
How to Help Baby Poop When They're Grunting and You're Stressed
It was two in the morning, the house was dead quiet, and I was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my oldest, Leo, while he turned the exact color of a homegrown Texas tomato. His little knees were...
Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...
The Honest Parent's Guide to Surviving Carhartt Baby Clothes
It's a freezing Tuesday in November 2018, and I'm standing in the middle of a disgustingly hip baby boutique in Portland, Oregon, wearing yoga pants that haven't seen an actual yoga studio since Obama was in office. I'm clutching a...
Raising Little Bush Babies: The Wild Truth About Newborn Care
When I brought my first son home, the hospital sliding doors hadn't even closed behind us before the contradictory advice started rolling in. My own mother leaned over the infant car seat in the parking lot and declared I needed...
Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time: A Dad's Sleep Hack
Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's 3:14 AM, you're currently standing by the changing table in the dark, and you're holding a five-month-old who's screaming at a frequency that's definitely violating several local Portland noise ordinances. You have tried...
The Moldy Bath Toy and My Black Killer Whale Baby Obsession
It was 4:12 AM, and I was standing on the freezing, fake-marble tile of our upstairs bathroom wearing Dave's college sweatpantsβthe ones with the literal hole in the crotch that I refuse to throw away because the waistband is basically...
The Late-Night Rabbit Hole That Changed How I View "Toxic" Baby Gear
I was pinned beneath a sleeping 12-kilogram toddler, desperately trying to breathe as shallowly as possible so as not to wake her, when my casual 3am doomscrolling took a violently dark turn. I had been trying to search for some...