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The Portland Backyard Bug: Debugging Encounters with Baby Animals
I'm standing in my perpetually damp Portland backyard at 6:15 AM, holding a lukewarm mug of coffee like a shield, while my 11-month-old son, Leo, points a chubby, sticky finger at what appears to be a vibrating pile of dead...
Why I Cannot Stop Staring at the Night Vision Baby Monitor
It's 3:14 AM, and the blue light of my smartphone is the only thing illuminating our bedroom ceiling. My wife is completely unconscious next to me, breathing in a steady rhythm that I deeply envy. Meanwhile, I'm zoomed in 400x...
What the Adriana Smith Baby Case Taught Me About ER Visits
It was 11:45 PM on a Tuesday, and I was standing at my kitchen island slapping shipping labels onto poly mailers for my Etsy shop while the baby monitor glowed next to my tape dispenser. I should have been sleeping,...
What a 1980s Movie Taught Me About Dads and Newborns
Dear Sarah from last October, You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in a Starbucks parking lot. You're wearing those black Lululemon leggings that have an unidentifiable crusty stain on the left thigh, clutching an iced...
Stop Washing Your Baby Every Night (And How to Pick Better Shampoo)
I was standing in the baby aisle of our local grocery store at 9 PM on a Tuesday, holding a violently pink bottle of "calming lavender bedtime wash" in one hand and my phone in the other. I was trying...
Why I Tossed My Plastic Toys For A Wooden Spielbogen Baby Gym
It was 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room rug nursing a lukewarm coffee while a giant plastic jungle gym flashed neon green lights directly into my six-week-old's eyeballs. The thing was blaring some...
Why the "It's Just a Cold" Myth is Dangerous for Infants
It was December 2019, I was running on exactly three hours of sleep and half a pot of lukewarm Folgers, wearing a hideous green sweater that already smelled like sour breastmilk, when Dave's aunt Linda peered into four-month-old Leo's car...
How the Peppa Pig New Baby Episode Saved My Sanity With Two Kids
I was sitting squarely on the cold bathroom tile, staring cross-eyed at two pink lines on a plastic stick, while my two-year-old was actively trying to flush my best Mac contour brush down the toilet. He paused his plumbing experiment,...
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Nanit Baby Monitor System
When I was pregnant with my first, I got three entirely different pieces of advice about watching your kid sleep in the span of one afternoon. My mom, bless her heart, told me to just leave the bedroom door cracked...