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My chaotic guide to finding an orphaned baby squirrel in your yard
The wind in Chicago in April is basically a personal insult. I was already standing in the kitchen watching my toddler have a full-scale meltdown because his morning banana had the audacity to break in half. I was mentally calculating...
Dear Past Tom: The Truth About Achieving That Baby Smoove Skin
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold tiles of the downstairs loo at 3:14 AM, the only room in the house where you can turn on a light without waking your wife or the twins....
Farmyard Crises and Explaining Baby Sheep to Toddlers
I'm standing ankle-deep in something I'm desperately praying is just mud at Mudchute Farm, trying to wipe half a chewed oat biscuit off Twin Aβs cheek, when Twin B extends a sticky, demanding finger toward the livestock enclosure. The sky...
The yellow menace: A twin dad's survival guide to baby shark toys
It's 4:12 in the morning. I'm standing in the hallway wearing nothing but mismatched socks and a pair of boxers that have seen significantly better days, violently negotiating with a water-activated plastic fish. The fish is singing. It has been...
Decoding the Baby Shark Lyrics Without Completely Losing It
It's 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in my dimly lit Portland kitchen holding a rapidly cooling pour-over while my 11-month-old attempts to dismantle the lower cabinet hardware. He isn't crying, exactly. He's emitting this steady, rhythmic low-frequency...
Why I Finally Caved and Bought a Play Area for My Kids
It was a Tuesday morning in late 2017, and I was wearing a pair of black yoga pants that had a highly questionable smear of sweet potato puree on the left thigh. Maya was seven months old, which meant she...
Why "hit me baby one more time" is my parenting reality
Last Tuesday at our local library's rhythm and rhyme session, Florence landed a shockingly accurate left hook directly onto my nose just as we were gearing up for the second verse of The Wheels on the Bus. The elderly librarian...
Exactly How To Get Rid Of Baby Hiccups Without Losing Your Mind
Dear Sarah of four years ago. You're currently sitting in that cheap beige glider chair you bought on Facebook Marketplace. The one that aggressively squeaks every time you shift your weight. It's 3:14 AM. You're wearing Daveβs oversized college hoodie...
Hush Little Baby: A Letter to Exhausted Me About 3 AM Survival
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently standing in the hallway at 3:14 AM wearing a nursing bra that smells suspiciously like sour milk. You're bouncing rhythmically, staring at a chip in the baseboard, and desperately whispering the hush...