Magazine

A camping tent in the woods with scattered baby gear and a wooden play gym

"A Dingo Ate My Baby": How A 90s Joke Became My Parenting Nightmare

The digital clock on the nursery wall reads 2:14 AM. The temperature monitor is holding steady at exactly 68.4 degrees. My 11-month-old son is currently using my left collarbone as a mattress, drooling a small puddle of milk onto my...

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A mother holding a coffee cup while looking at a tiny hatchling turtle on a trail

Dear Past Me: Do Not Let Your Kid Touch That Tiny Wild Reptile

Dear Sarah of last May. You're currently standing on the muddy shoulder of the Wissahickon creek trail, balancing a tepid Yeti mug of dark roast on your yoga pants-clad knee, utterly paralyzed. Leo is pointing a grubby four-year-old finger at...

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Toddler wearing a flutter sleeve bodysuit exploring a backyard garden safely

My Toddler Found a Baby Snake: The Ultimate Backyard Meltdown

Tuesday morning, 8:14 AM. I was wearing Dave’s gross gray sweatpantsβ€”the ones with the mystery bleach stain near the left knee that he absolutely refuses to throw awayβ€”and balancing my third, heavily microwaved mug of coffee on my hip. Leo,...

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Jess holding a sun hat outdoors laughing about the baby hornet silksong internet panic

When Internet Video Game Bugs Cause Panic and Real Wasps Attack

I was standing in the middle of the hallway yesterday, hip-deep in a laundry basket full of unmatched tiny socks, staring down at my four-year-old’s sticky, peanut-butter-smudged iPad screen. He had left his browser open, and the search history said...

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Two baby goats standing on a wooden bench looking confused

The Pastoral Fantasy Delusion: Surviving Baby Goats

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was covered in a thin but distinct layer of regurgitated infant milk, and I was knee-deep in a Rightmove spiral looking at semi-derelict farmhouses in Somerset. The twins had been tag-teaming a...

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A messy toddler eating shredded BBQ pork on a leafy bamboo picnic blanket in the grass.

Smoked Baby Back Ribs: Safely Feeding Your Messy Little Ones

My neighbor Jim handed my nine-month-old a giant, sticky rib bone last summer at a Fourth of July block party. "Look at him!" Jim yelled over the sound of a lawnmower, completely ignoring the sheer, unadulterated panic on my face....

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Toddler looking into a brooder box of baby chicks

Raising Baby Chickens: A Reality Check Letter To My Past Self

There's a cardboard box vibrating in the passenger seat of my minivan, and it smells faintly of wood shavings and poor life choices. It’s early March, raining sideways here in rural Texas, and I'm staring at the steering wheel while...

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A stressed dad holding a silicone panda teether while researching reptile facts on his phone

Letter to Past Marcus: Baby Rattlesnakes & Other Terrors

Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, the retina display of your phone burning a hole in your exhausted corneas because you tried to Google "best wooden baby...

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Toddler pointing at a baby swan near a pond from a safe distance

The Great Bread Deception: Meeting A Baby Swan (And Surviving)

It's a crisp Tuesday morning at St James's Park, and an elderly gentleman in a tweed flat cap is hurling massive, doughy chunks of supermarket sliced white bread into the water. A fluffy grey cygnetβ€”which I've just spent ten minutes...

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