The Brutal Truth About Buying Actually Useful New Baby Gifts
I'm staring at a pair of infant converse sneakers. They're the size of a jalapeΓ±o. They have actual, functional laces. Someone spent real money on these at a baby shower last weekend, and I know exactly where they're going to...
The Truth About Newborn Onesies (And What You Actually Need)
It's 3:14 AM in November of 2017. Maya is exactly three weeks old. I'm wearing a milk-stained nursing bra, one single maternity sock because I lost the other one in the hallway, and I'm holding a mug of coffee that...
A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Sunscreen for Babies This Summer
I'm currently pinning my eleven-month-old son against my chest with my left forearm while my right hand desperately tries to smear a thick, chalky white paste across his nose. He is thrashing like a crocodile in a death roll. He...
The Absurd Reality of Buying Newborn Outfits for the First Time
It's 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm actively wrestling a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans onto a creature that has the structural integrity of a warm Yorkshire pudding. This was my grand introduction to the greatest myth of...
Surviving baby clothing stores: a nurse's guide to what works
I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, ankles swollen to the size of grapefruits, standing in the middle of a high-end boutique in Lincoln Park. The air smelled like lavender and expensive regret. In my hands, I held a pair of stiff,...
Surviving the pink tulle avalanche: Practical presents for girls
I was staring at a mountain of aggressively pink tulle that had somehow swallowed our entire living room. It was day four with twin girls, the house smelled vaguely of sour milk and sheer desperation, and the delivery driver had...
Surviving the Buy Buy Baby Registry (And Other Twin Tales)
It was a Tuesday evening, somewhere around week nineteen of the twin pregnancy, and I was staring at my iPad with the kind of mounting dread usually reserved for unexpected tax bills. My wife had just handed me the tablet,...
Why You Are Totally Confused By Those Tiny Receiving Blankets
I was sitting on my living room floor a few days after my oldest son's baby shower, completely surrounded by a mountain of these tiny, square flannel blankets that someone had lovingly rolled up like little burritos and tied with...
The Utter Chaos of Trying to Dress a Very Small and Angry Newborn
Before the twins arrived, I was cornered at a family gathering and given three entirely contradictory pieces of advice regarding infant wardrobes. My mother-in-law insisted on knitted cardigans with actual, functional miniature buttons (a stylistic choice I'm still unpacking with...