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My 3 AM Million Dollar Baby Obsession
It's 2:47 AM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting on the nursery floor wearing a hoodie that smells faintly of regurgitated sweet potato, trying to rock one of my twin daughters back to sleep while her sister aggressively kicks the cot...
Living With a Real Life Boss Baby: Who Is Actually in Charge?
Before the twins were born, my mother-in-law tapped her teacup and said, "Establish dominance early, Tom, or they'll walk all over you." Two days later, a bloke at the Dog & Duck assured me, "Just let 'em cry, mate, show...
The 3AM Rescue: Why a Jersey Knit Swaddle Blanket Saved Me
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark kitchen in a pair of stained maternity leggings that I had supposedly retired three weeks prior, just staring at my newborn son. Leo was three...
Debugging the Strick Baby: How We Fixed Our Fussy Trick Baby
The clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM, glowing in that menacing green font that just mocks your life choices. My son, who during the day usually resembles a slightly drunk, happy old man, was currently arched backward in my...
The contradictory truth about bambus decken and infant sleep
My mother-in-law told me I needed to wrap him in three layers of thick wool or he'd catch pneumonia in the middle of a Chicago July. The lactation consultant told me to use absolutely zero fabrics, stick to skin-to-skin only,...
Dear Past Marcus: Troubleshooting the Great Baby Mat Matrix
Row 47 of my "Baby Infrastructure" Google Sheet is where my sanity finally encountered a fatal error. It was 2:14 AM. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 71.4 degrees, I had logged 11 wet diapers for the day,...
Wie groΓ sollte eine Babydecke sein? A dad's troubleshooting guide
The left rear wheel of the stroller locked up with a brutal clicking noise right in the middle of a crosswalk in Portlandβs Pearl District. It was raining, obviously, because we live in Oregon and taking an 11-month-old outside requires...
The Truth About the Toy Blanket (And Why Your Baby Needs One)
My older cousin stared at the graying, spit-up-stained square of muslin clutched in my toddler's fist and let out a long, theatrical sigh. We were at a family dinner, and she felt the need to inform me that letting my...
How a Simple Ribbed Onesie Saved My Sanity During a 3 AM Blowout
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I'm dealing with Diaper #284, and containment has been fully breached. The biohazard has traveled up my 11-month-old's spine, past his shoulder blades, and is currently threatening his neckline. I'm sweating through my t-shirt,...