The Truth About That Huge Women Clothing Sale For Tired Moms
The right wheel of my double UPPAbaby stroller was jammed so hard against the slatted door of fitting room number three that I couldn't pry it open if there was a fire. I was standing there in a local boutique...
Dear Jess: Stop buying the velvet holiday dresses for your baby
It's currently July, you're sweating completely through your maternity shorts in the hundred-degree Texas heat, and for some ungodly reason, you're scrolling the internet looking at a stiff, synthetic red velvet monstrosity with eighty-two sequins on it. I need you...
The Truth About Fall Baby Clothes (And What Actually Works)
The biggest lie the internet ever told us about fall is that your infant needs to look like a miniature adult lumberjack. I'm just gonna be real with you, the idea of stuffing a four-month-old into a tiny, stiff denim...
Why buying boys dress pants is a specific kind of modern torture
I'm currently wedged next to the sanitary bin in the disabled toilet of a twelfth-century Surrey church, sweating completely through my only clean wedding suit, attempting to wrestle a screaming two-year-old into a pair of miniature, fiercely rigid navy slacks....
Debugging Your Kid's Wardrobe: The Ultimate Graphic Baby Tee
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had seventeen browser tabs open, deeply confused about how the internet works. Leo, my 11-month-old son, had finally entered a sleep cycle that didn't involve him kicking me in the ribs,...
Why high-end infant clothes usually aren't worth the headache
My oldest son, Wyatt, is the reason I've trust issues with zippers, snap crotches, and the entire childrenβs clothing industry. When he was about three months old, I got it in my head that we needed professional family photos out...
A Letter to Past Me About Surviving The Boys Sweater Phase
Dear Marcus from six months ago: You're currently standing in the baby apparel aisle holding a tiny, adorable, heavily patterned wool pullover. Put it down. Seriously, drop it right now before your wife sees it and you both convince yourselves...
A Letter to Past Jess About Finding a Quality Kids Boutique
Dear Jess from last October. I'm currently staring at a giant black trash bag sitting in the hallway that's full of neon, plastic-feeling shirts that somehow shrank three sizes in a single wash, and pants where the knees blew out...
3 AM Blowouts and the Brutal Truth About a Baby Onesie
It was three in the morning in our drafty Chicago apartment when the smell hit me. Not the standard sweet-sour milk smell, but a toxic, biological hazard level stench that wakes you from a dead sleep. I flipped on the...