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The vintage toy bin disaster and why 90s plushies stay away
It was a Tuesday afternoon when my mother-in-law hauled a massive plastic tote up from her basement. The lid snapped off to reveal a sea of crushed velvet, holographic tags, and that unmistakable scent of damp cardboard. She was holding...
Dear past me: The ugly truth about the bitty baby
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the Target toy aisle while Maya has a full code blue meltdown over a generic plastic doll with terrifying eyelashes. You're rubbing your temples, staring at the...
The Birthday Beanie Baby Trap: A Letter to My Tired Past Self
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently hunched over your laptop in the glow of a half-eaten digestive biscuit, ignoring the faint sounds of Maya and Chloe practicing their synchronized 2 AM grunting from the other room. You...
Debugging the Y2K Aesthetic When Your Infant Refuses to Flex
We were at our usual Saturday spotβthat overly loud Portland coffee roaster where the tables are made of reclaimed shipping palletsβwhen my eleven-month-old daughter simply stopped working. Her entire motor function API just failed. She was sitting in her high...
Why My Real Life Looks Exactly Like a Baby Blues Comic Today
I'm currently sitting on my slightly sticky living room floor with a half-eaten fish cracker stuck to my left knee. My two-year-old is trying to put the dog in a headlock, and the baby just blew out his diaper with...
The Truth About Baby Kia: A Letter To My Past Parenting Self
You're sitting in traffic on the M25. The rain is hammering against the windscreen of the Vauxhall Astra, and the heater is blasting a smell that can only be described as warm, wet digestive biscuit. In the passenger seat is...
Don't Give Your Kid That 1997 Purple Bear
I was standing in my mom's sweltering Texas attic last July, sweating through my t-shirt, while she rummaged through a stack of plastic storage bins. She finally pulled out a Ziploc bag with the reverence of someone handling the Declaration...
The Connie Francis Pretty Little Baby Trend Made Me Cry
I'm sitting on the faux-wool rug of my Chicago apartment, staring at my phone through the kind of sleep deprivation that makes your teeth physically ache. Rohan is asleep on my chest, a dead weight of milk-drunk toddler. If I...
Why the Viral Baby Grinch Trend is Actually Ruining Holidays
My mother-in-law told me I needed to establish firm dominance the second my toddler started acting like a green menace this December. The moms in my neighborhood group suggested the exact opposite, telling me to lean into the chaos and...