The Day My Toddler Tried To Steal A Baby Emu At The Local Texas Farm
I was knee-deep in East Texas mud, holding my oldest son by the straps of his denim overalls so he wouldnβt launch himself into a wire fence, while a six-foot-tall dinosaur of a bird stared a hole straight through my...
Baby I'm Preying On You Tonight: Surviving Sleep Regressions
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pinned to the squeaky gray glider in our nursery wearing a nursing tank that smelled strongly of sour milk and desperation. My son Leo was exactly four months old, and...
Is My Child an Alien Baby? A Troubleshooting Log for Past Me
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing over the bassinet in the pitch black, holding your phone flashlight cupped in your palm so Sarah doesn't wake up, watching a tiny chest stop rising for what feels like...
Air Fryer Baby Potatoes: The Ultimate Dad's Guide to Solids
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently staring at a mesh bag of organic tubers on the kitchen island, sweating right through your gray t-shirt. Your wife just casually mentioned we need to start Baby-Led Weaning next week, and...
Decoding the Weird Joker Baby Suit Panic Sometime Around 3 AM
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday when my 11-month-old's thermal management system completely crashed. We were trying to do a quick family photo in the living room, and my mother-in-law had aggressively gifted us a tiny, three-piece synthetic tuxedo....
Surviving the 9-Month Sleep Regression and Absolute Chaos
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark wearing a pair of maternity leggings I should have burned six months ago and my husband Dave's faded college hoodie, staring at Maya. She was gripping...
Why I Stopped Treating the Baby Growth Chart Like a High Score
It was a bleak Tuesday morning in November, and I was standing barefoot on the cold bathroom tiles, holding a completely naked, furiously wriggling two-year-old on a digital scale, trying to do basic mental subtraction while she actively attempted to...
Decoding the 3 AM Baby Grunting Sounds Without Losing Your Mind
I'm standing barefoot on the cold Portland hardwood at 3:14 AM, holding my phone flashlight at a weird angle so I don't accidentally blind my daughter, just waiting for her to make the noise again. Don't do this. Seriously, whatever...
Surprise, You Now Have a Dozen Hamsters (Surviving the Litter)
"Momma, Princess Fluffbutt split into tiny pink jellybeans!" That was how my four-year-old announced we were suddenly harboring fugitives on a Tuesday morning while I was elbow-deep in packing tape for my Etsy shop and trying to keep the baby...