The Literal Baby Don't Hurt Me Phase Of Parenting Is Actually Wild
It was a random Tuesday at exactly 6:14 AM, and I was wearing those tragic gray sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh that my husband absolutely hates. I had exactly half a sip of lukewarm French...
How to Bring a Baby Home to Your Dog Without Losing Your Mind
I was sitting on my faux-Navajo living room rug, covered in sour milk spit-up, physically restraining my 70-pound mutt Buster by his collar while my newborn screamed in the bassinet, trying to mentally sort through the absolute circus of advice...
Surviving That First Ridiculous Baby Day Out Into The Wild
I stood with my hand hovering over the front door handle for a solid forty-five minutes, paralyzed by indecision. My twin girls, who were roughly ten weeks old at the time, were actually asleep in the gargantuan double buggy that...
Why The Viral Baby Crying Meme Hits Way Too Close to Home
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm sitting in the dark in my living room, the blue light from my phone illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I'm looking at a viral post about a toddler who's completely losing his mind because...
Dear Jess: The Honest Truth About That Terrifying Midnight Cough
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum of the guest bathroom at 2:14 AM, the hot shower is running full blast to make a makeshift steam room, and Leo is making a sound that...
The 3 AM Panic: My Completely Honest Truth About Baby Cough Syrup
I was standing in my kitchen at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of sweatpants with a bleach stain on the thigh, holding my oldest son who was barking like a literal harbor seal. My Etsy shop had twenty open orders...
The Baby Corn Cat Panic: A Letter to Myself on BLW & Felines
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold kitchen tiles at 7:14 AM wearing Mike's ratty Villanova hoodieβthe one with the suspicious, crusty stain on the left sleeve that might be yogurt but is probably something...
The Brutal Reality of Baby Modeling: What I Wish I Knew Beforehand
I was sweating completely through my only clean maternity bra in a strip mall off I-35 in Dallas, holding a screaming eight-month-old while twelve other perfectly coifed infants stared at us in dead, judgmental silence. My oldest son, who's now...
Why Your Infant is Basically a Baby Monkey (And Why That's Okay)
It was 3:14 AM, and I was wearing a gray Target nursing tank that smelled strongly of sour milk and desperation. My husband Dave was snoringβnot like a cute, rhythmic rumble, but this full-blown, windows-rattling snore that made me want...