The Absurdity of Adult Soap and Safe Toys for Your Toddler
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at two in the morning, holding a writhing, screaming toddler at arm's length because she's somehow managed to achieve a nappy blowout that defies the basic laws of physics. It's quite literally everywhere....
Debugging the Meltdown: A Dad's Guide to Unsoothable Tears
My mother-in-law told me over FaceTime to just let him cry it out or I was going to spoil his lungs, whatever that means. The guy making my pour-over at the coffee shop confidently stated that my son was simply...
Surviving the "Don't You Want Me Baby" Guilt Trip From Relatives
We were sitting in our Portland living room on exactly Day 12 of parenthood when the first breach of our perimeter occurred. My wife Sarah was exhausted, practically vibrating with postpartum adrenaline, and our daughter was finally asleep on her...
The 3 AM Google Searches That Prove Postpartum is Wild
The other night, I was sitting in the dark nursing my youngest, running on maybe forty-five cumulative minutes of sleep, trying to type 'eco baby gear' into my phone with one thumb while balancing a burp cloth on my knee....
How to Find Free Baby Samples Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was sitting on my living room couch at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's gym shorts that I had stretched to their absolute physical limit over my seven-month pregnant belly, staring at my phone as my inbox counter...
A dad's guide to the elusive baby turkey (and weaning woes)
It was 5:17 in the morning when the farm animal flap-book aggressively entered my peripheral vision, wielded by Twin A, who had somehow escaped her sleeping bag and decided that the pre-dawn darkness was the ideal time for agricultural education....
The Baby Shark YouTube Dilemma: Troubleshooting Infant Screens
My mother-in-law swore that firing up a specific bright yellow video was the only way to hard-reset a tantrum. My senior dev pinged me on Slack claiming that same video permanently alters neural pathways. And the guy steaming oat milk...
The Great Baby Seat Illusion (And What Actually Worked For Us)
It was 87 degrees, I was exactly four days postpartum, and I was sobbing into a half-eaten blueberry muffin in the back of our Honda CR-V. Maya was screaming in her brand new car seat like we were torturing her,...
Dear Past Me: Surviving The First Year And That Lil Baby Age
Dear Sarah from six months agoβ Actually, wait. No. Maya is seven and Leo is four now. So writing a letter to myself from six months ago would just be me aggressively telling myself to buy more coffee before the...