Chasing the October 15 Beanie Baby: A New Dad's Reality Check
My mother-in-law's package arrived at our Portland apartment on a rainy Tuesday, smelling faintly of attic dust and the Clinton administration. Inside was a neon-orange plush pumpkin with hard plastic eyes staring blankly into the void. Sarah, my wife, immediately...
The May 21st Beanie Baby Illusion: Vintage Plushies vs Reality
I was three pints deep into a Tuesday evening and aggressively outbidding a woman named 'Susan_Collects_94' on eBay for a slightly moth-eaten unicorn. My wife walked into the kitchen, took one look at the glowing iPad screen, and asked if...
The chaotic truth about hunting down a May 11th beanie baby
Whatever you do, don't lie in the dark at two in the morning, covered in a thin but incredibly resilient layer of what I can only hope is regurgitated formula, fiercely battling a stranger on the internet for a stuffed...
A letter to past me about the march 27th beanie baby obsession
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom tub at two in the morning. The baby is finally asleep after three false starts, and instead of closing your eyes, you're squinting at...
Why That Vintage March 17 Beanie Baby Belongs on a High Shelf
I was literally sitting on the living room floor, knee-deep in a mountain of unfolded toddler shirts and cardboard shipping boxes for my Etsy shop, when the front screen door slammed. My mom breezed into the house carrying a cloudy...
Why that july 21st beanie baby is a nursery nightmare
Listen, it was two in the afternoon on a Tuesday when my mother-in-law proudly handed me a plastic grocery bag that smelled faintly of mothballs and damp basement. Inside was Bijoux the Poodle, a vintage plush toy with a faded...
The Truth About Surviving Weddings in Smocked Baby Girl Clothes
I'm standing in the disabled toilet of a remarkably pretentious Surrey golf club, holding a heavily soiled nappy in one hand and half a crumbling shortbread biscuit in the other. Somewhere beyond the mahogany door, a string quartet is aggressively...
Troubleshooting The September 19 Birthday Twin Plushie Trend
I'll tell you exactly what not to do when you finally receive that crinkly, retro-smelling package from a vintage seller on the internet: don't immediately hand the twenty-six-year-old plush toy to your teething eleven-month-old. I made this exact logic error...
Tracking Down a December 9th Beanie Baby is Total Madness
It started, as most of my parenting anxieties do, with a casual comment over a lukewarm flat white. When the twins were approaching their birthday, my mother-in-law declared I simply had to find a plush toy with their exact birth...