Dear Past Me: Miss Shachiku and the Little Baby Ghost is a Warning
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently wedged between the bulk-sized paper towels and the dog food bin in the pantry. It's 2:14 AM. You're wearing Dave's gray college sweatpantsβthe ones with that unidentifiable crusty bleach stain on...
How to Survive the Moro Reflex in Babies Without Losing Your Mind
Itβs two in the morning in 2019, and I'm hovering over a bassinet with my oldest, Jackson, holding my breath until my lungs actually burn. Iβve done the sway, the aggressive shushing, the hour-long rocking chair marathon, and he's finally...
Why Muppet Babies Is The Only Reboot I Tolerate
It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my 11-month-old son is attempting to aggressively eat the Roku remote. I'm running on three hours of fragmented sleep and half a cup of cold, day-old pour-over coffee. The biggest myth they...
The truth about being my baby's daddy: A first-time dad log
I'm currently staring at my 11-month-old daughter while she aggressively tries to jam a wooden block into my lukewarm coffee mug. The biggest lie they tell you about fatherhood is that the "dad instincts" will automatically download into your brain...
System Error: What I Wish I Knew About Newborn Diapers
Dear Marcus from eleven months ago. You're currently standing in the Target diaper aisle, holding your phone open to a highly formatted Google Sheet. You have calculated that based on an average output of 8.4 voids per day, you need...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Newborn Baby Girl Clothes Today
Before the twins were born, my mother insisted they needed tiny, stiff Victorian dresses with matching lace knickers, presumably just in case the Queen resurrected herself and invited our offspring to a formal garden party. My mate Dave, three pints...
The Chaos of Niche Chinese Babies Lyrics in Our London Flat
It was 6:13 AM on a Tuesday, and my living room floor was already covered in a sticky layer of crushed oatcakes and unidentifiable moisture. Twin A had Twin B in what I can only describe as a competitive headlock...
A clueless dad's guide to buying Nike baby shoes and apparel
We're at Washington Park in Portland, and the temperature is exactly 62.4 degrees. The sky has that flat, gray, overcast quality that makes for decent smartphone photos, which is great, because I've dressed my 11-month-old son like a backup dancer...
The Honest Truth About Nike Baby Clothes and Sizing
When I was pregnant with my first, I got sat down at my own baby shower and given three entirely different lectures on how to dress a newborn. My mom, bless her heart, insisted babies only need those white cotton...