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I asked a doctor what do babies dream about and the truth hurts
It was three in the morning in our drafty Chicago apartment when my son let out a sound that was half-giggle, half-choke. I stood over his bassinet, gripping the edge like I was bracing for an earthquake. His eyes were...
The Spit-Up Timeline: When The Milk Volcano Finally Stops
At exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, surrounded by seven different brands of anti-colic bottles and covered in what smelled like old yogurt, I realized the biggest lie of early parenthood. I had spent three weeks thinking I could troubleshoot...
That Midnight Panic Over Exactly When Babies Are Supposed To Walk
It was 2:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom in the dark, violently scrolling through parenting forums on my phone while my 14-month-old oldest child, Beau, slept blissfully down the hall. We...
Why Do Babies Wear Helmets? A Letter To My Freaking Out Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting cross-legged on the dusty attic floor. You're wearing Dave's old college hoodie that smells intensely of damp cardboard, and you're literally crying into a plastic storage bin of Leo's outgrown...
The real science behind the dancing baby gif and infant motor skills
I spent a ridiculous amount of time last Tuesday trying to capture the perfect dancing baby gif for my family's group chat. I propped my nine-month-old against the sofa, blasted some nineties club track, and hovered with my phone waiting...
Is Boss Baby 3 Real? The Truth About Corporate Cartoons
My mother-in-law, bless her heart, told me I was ruining my oldest kid's brain by letting him watch a cartoon about a corporate infant in a suit. Just a few days later, my doctor vaguely mumbled something over her clipboard...
Is My Baby Turning Blue Or Am I Just Sleep-Deprived And Panicking?
When we started weaning the twins, I received three distinct, entirely contradictory pieces of advice within a single twenty-four-hour period. My mother, dispensing wisdom from the 1990s, called to say, "Whatever you do, Tommy, don't give them carrots yet, they'll...
The Search Query That Completely Ruined My Tuesday Night
My thumbs were hovering over the search bar at 3:14 AM, the harsh glare of my smartphone illuminating the spit-up stain on my shoulder. I was just trying to buy clothes. Specifically, I wanted our 11-month-old son to look less...
A Dad's Messy Quest for the Best Sunscreen for Babies
It's exactly 78.4 degrees at Laurelhurst Park, and I'm currently holding a pressurized aluminum can of SPF 50 like it's a live grenade. My eleven-month-old son, Leo, is squirming on the picnic blanket like I'm trying to install a malicious...