The 3 AM Splash Zone: A Very British Guide to Baby Vomiting
It hit my left shoulder first, warm and surprisingly heavy, before cascading down the back of my only clean t-shirt and settling comfortably into the gap between the sofa cushions. I froze, blinking in the dim glow of a nightlight,...
How to Survive the Moro Reflex in Babies Without Losing Your Mind
Itβs two in the morning in 2019, and I'm hovering over a bassinet with my oldest, Jackson, holding my breath until my lungs actually burn. Iβve done the sway, the aggressive shushing, the hour-long rocking chair marathon, and he's finally...
The Unfiltered Shift From Mother To Baby: What I Actually Learned
I'm currently staring at a dried crust of spit-up on my left shoulder that has been there since Tuesday, and honestly, I don't have the energy to change my shirt. Iβm bouncing my youngest on my hip while trying to...
A Desperate Letter to Myself About Surviving Newborn Babies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the edge of the sofa at 3:14 AM, wearing a dressing gown that smells fiercely of sour milk and something I can only describe as biological despair. One of the...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Newborn Baby Girl Clothes Today
Before the twins were born, my mother insisted they needed tiny, stiff Victorian dresses with matching lace knickers, presumably just in case the Queen resurrected herself and invited our offspring to a formal garden party. My mate Dave, three pints...
The Truth About Newborn Crying and Why You Don't See Tears Yet
It was 2:14 AM, and my oldest son Jacksonβwho is my personal cautionary tale for literally every parenting mistake a human can makeβwas doing this high-pitched pterodactyl shriek that vibrated directly in my molars. I was shining my iPhone flashlight...
Dear Past Me: The 2 AM Google Spiral About Vitamin K Babies
Dear Past Me from exactly six months ago. You're sitting at the kitchen island, and it's 2:14 AM. You're wearing Daveβs tragic gray college hoodie, the one with the mysterious bleach stain that he refuses to throw away, and you're...
What Is Shaken Baby Syndrome (And The Truth About Burnout)
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're sitting on the floor of your sister's nursery at 2:14 in the morning. You're wearing those god-awful grey Lululemon leggings with the bleach stain on the knee, holding your three-week-old nephew who's...
The absolute truth about those ugly baby pictures we all hide
I was sitting there in the hospital bed, wearing a gown that had somehow become completely unsnapped in the back, holding my literal firstborn child. My husband, Markβwho usually has absolutely zero filterβwas completely silent as he held up his...