Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...
Why Searching "Babies R Us Near Me" Won't Save Your Sanity
It's exactly 3:17 am, and one of the twins has just managed to produce a bodily fluid that somehow defies the laws of physics, breaching the boundaries of her nappy and ascending halfway up her back. I'm sitting on the...
Navigating Baby Girl Showtimes: A Dad's Movie Survival Guide
My mother-in-law told me taking an infant to a movie theater would permanently short-circuit her developing brain. The guy who makes my oat milk cortado at the local coffee shop insisted that baby-friendly matinees are the only way new parents...
The Absolute Mess Of Buying Baby Gear (And What Actually Works)
It was 2017. November. A Tuesday, I think, and raining completely sideways. I was exactly thirty-two weeks pregnant with Maya, my second kid, and I was sitting completely cross-legged on the cold linoleum floor of aisle four at BuyBuyBaby (RIP...
What the Baby Emmanuel Parents Taught Me About Child Safety
I was wearing Mark's ancient grey fraternity t-shirt with the mysterious bleach stain on the collar, sitting on the edge of the cold porcelain bathtub at 2:14 AM. Leo, my youngest, was going through his extremely fun "I only sleep...
How a Baby Horse Name Crashed My Naming Spreadsheet
I was staring at row 842 of my master Google Sheet when the system finally broke down. Column A contained the potential name. Column B tracked the syllable count. Column C was tied to a Python script I wrote to...
The Night I Searched Baby Kxtten and Broke My Tech Dad Brain
The thermostat was locked at exactly 69.5 degrees, the ambient white noise machine was humming at a steady 45 decibels, and the 11-month-old had finally ceased her evening operational errors. I was sitting on the living room rug, eating cold...
The Messy, Scary Truth About Your Favorite Baby Lounger Pillow
I was sitting cross-legged on my living room rug at three in the morning, aggressively taping up a stack of cardboard boxes for my Etsy shop, when I finally felt my shoulders drop. My oldest son, who was exactly twenty-two...
When A Therapy App And A Literal Baby Manatee Saved My Sanity
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing my husband's ancient Boston College hoodie. The one that has a crusty, mysterious stain on the left cuff that could be hummus, could be dried...