Magazine
Why I'm Raising My Panda Baby Without the Helicopter Hover
I'm currently watching my two-year-old drag a heavy oak dining chair all the way across the linoleum, wedge it violently against the kitchen island, and attempt to scale it like he's summiting Everest for a rogue Goldfish cracker that has...
A Late-Night Letter to Myself Before Baby Number Three Arrives
I see you sitting there in the dark. It's 2:14 AM, your giant eight-months-pregnant belly is hopelessly wedged into the armrests of the nursery glider, and the blue light from your phone screen is illuminating the tired bags under your...
A Letter to My Past Self About This Whole Ozempic Babies Surprise
Dear Jess from six months ago. I see you sitting there on the cold tile of the guest bathroom floor, staring at that plastic stick while the washing machine thumps against the wall so hard it feels like an earthquake....
A Dad's Guide to Oven Baked Baby Back Ribs for BLW Beginners
I'm currently staring at a massive slab of raw pork on my kitchen counter while managing three very different, very aggressive text threads. My mother is suggesting I boil the meat until it turns into a gray, flavorless paste and...
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Orbit Baby Stroller System
It was raining, obviously. I was standing in the parking lot of the Trader Joeβs on 4th Street, wearing yoga pants that hadnβt actually seen a yoga mat since sometime in 2017. Maya was strapped into her car seat screaming...
Orbit Baby G5 Stroller: A Letter to My Exhausted Past Self
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing in the Jewel-Osco parking lot on Southport. The wind is doing that thing where it physically hurts your face. Your C-section incision feels like it's unzipping, and you're contorting your spine...
Why The Weird OPM Babi Trend Belongs Nowhere Near Your Nursery
It was eleven at night on a Tuesday when the heavy bass started shaking my wipes warmer. Maya was ten months old and cutting her top two incisors simultaneously. I hadn't slept a full sleep cycle since Sunday. My younger...
Oh My Little Baby Boy: Demolishing The Tough Infant Myth Today
I was in the middle of wrestling a mustard-yellow blowout off my six-month-old when my great-aunt patted my shoulder and told me I was coddling him. He was sobbing because he was cold and covered in his own waste. I...
Why Watching Oh Enthan Baby With My Kid Was A Tactical Error
The thermostat read exactly 71.4 degrees, the humidifier was running at a steady thirty percent output, and my daughter Maya was finally asleep in the portable bassinet we dragged into the living room. It was 8:14 PM. My wife and...