Magazine
Am I Really Having The Biggest Baby Ever Born? My Honest Take
There I was at 38 weeks pregnant, standing in line at the local H-E-B just praying my water wouldn't break near the seasonal aisle, when the cashier took one look at my belly and told me I needed to stop...
Why Diaper Tape Fails When Your Tiny Infant Becomes A Toddler
3:14 AM. The bathroom tiles are freezing. Mark is standing there holding his phone, looking absolutely bewildered, while intense, bass-heavy Russian hip-hop blasts out of his tiny phone speaker. He was literally just trying to google "big baby tape" to...
What The Bhad Babie OnlyFans Story Taught Me About Parenting
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing by the kitchen island wearing a gray Target maternity robe that frankly should have been burned three years ago, just staring at my phone. Maya, who's seven going on...
The search history nightmare and the offline baseline
Maya texted me at two in the morning on a Tuesday. It was just a screenshot of her nine-year-oldβs iPad search history followed by a single skull emoji. She thought she had all the filters on. She thought she had...
A Dad's Messy Quest for the Best Sunscreen for Babies
It's exactly 78.4 degrees at Laurelhurst Park, and I'm currently holding a pressurized aluminum can of SPF 50 like it's a live grenade. My eleven-month-old son, Leo, is squirming on the picnic blanket like I'm trying to install a malicious...
The Search for the Best Humidifier for Baby (Without the Mold)
My mother-in-law handed me a vintage 1990s vaporizer and told me to boil eucalyptus oil in the nursery. Three hours later, the guy at Home Depot practically cornered me in the plumbing aisle to explain why ultrasonic machines are the...
The Best Formula for Breastfed Babies (And How to Survive the Switch)
It was 2:14 in the morning with my oldest son, Wyatt, and I was sitting on the edge of the glider sobbing into a burp cloth. He was screaming like a banshee, rooting around like a little feral piglet, and...
Stroller Shopping Destroyed My Sanity And Ruined My Spreadsheets
My mother-in-law insisted we needed a pram with shock absorbers lifted from a literal monster truck. My coworker Dave, who has three kids and hasn't slept a full night since 2018, swore we just needed a twenty-dollar nylon umbrella rig...
Finding The Best Baby Detergent Without Losing Your Sanity
I was standing in my basement laundry room at 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, holding Mayaβs absolute favorite mustard-yellow onesie which was now covered in an ungodly amount of actual mustard-yellow poop, just completely frozen in panic because of the...