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The Myth of the Pretty Baby: Surviving the First Messy Months
3:14 AM. Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday. I'm standing in the dark, heavily stained with an acidic mixture of formula and what I strongly suspect is Calpol, holding a screaming Twin A while Twin B begins to rustle ominously in the...
Why baby dolls took over my flat (and what the science says)
I'm currently staring at a small, disembodied plastic leg poking out from beneath our sofa. It belongs to βBaby Susanβ, a doll who has suffered more blunt force trauma in the past three weeks than an amateur rugby player. If...
The hostage negotiation of the sorry baby apology milestone
The soft rubber block bounced directly off my collarbone and landed in my lukewarm coffee. It splashed onto my only clean pair of leggings. My two-year-old stood across the living room, chest heaving, waiting for the fallout. I looked over...
The 3 AM Breaking Point and the Truth About Shaken Baby Syndrome
There's a very specific frequency of noise that two eight-week-old humans can achieve simultaneously, and I'm fairly certain it violates several international treaties. It was a Tuesday, somewhere around 3:14 in the morning, and I was pacing the hallway of...
The actual nepo baby meaning for severely sleep-deprived parents
My mother-in-law confidently informed me over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey that it was a highly contagious viral rash sweeping through the North London nurseries. The barista at our local overpriced coffee shop swore it was a new developmental...
The Justin Bieber Baby Sleep Hack That Would Have Saved My Sanity
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2017. I'm wearing hospital-grade mesh underwear and an oversized, stained promotional t-shirt from a local 5K I walked, like, three years ago. I'm sitting on the very edge of our mattress, violently sobbing...
"I had a baby without you": The messy truth of solo parenting
The biggest myth about doing this alone is that it looks absolutely anything like the cinema. People type i had a baby without you full movie into their search bars late at night, expecting some sweeping romantic drama starring an...
Dear Postpartum Me: On The Tears, Sweat, and Baby Blues
Dear Sarah from four years ago, I know exactly where you're right now. Youβre sitting on the edge of the gray bath mat in the guest bathroom at 3:14 AM. Youβre wearing that nursing tank that smells violently like sour...
Why Those Vintage Pretty Little Baby Lyrics Actually Work
It's currently 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, I've exactly three minutes to move laundry from the washer to the dryer before my youngest wakes up from her nap, and my oldest is somewhere in the living room pressing a button...