The 3 AM Google Spiral: Early Signs of Autism in Babies

Tom
2026-04-01T03:57:52+02:00

I'm sitting on the freezing bathroom tiles at 2:14 in the morning, bathed in the blue light of my smartphone, watching my daughter E repeatedly line up three plastic bath boats in absolute silence. In the next room, her twin sister M is snoring loudly, spread-eagled across her cot like a tiny, milk-drunk starfish. I whisper E's name. She doesn't blink. I say it louder. Nothing. She just picks up the red boat, places it behind the blue boat, and rocks slightly on her heels. My thumbs, sticky with rogue Calpol and blind panic, are frantically typing variations of "early signs of autism in babies" into the search bar, hoping the internet will somehow reach through the screen and hand me a definitive answer.

My search history from that month is just a tragic, sleep-deprived list of typos, ranging from desperate queries about "autism in babi" to panicked forum searches for "is my babie ignoring me or deaf". If you've ever been in this specific late-night rabbit hole, you know the absolute terror of realizing that every single thing a toddler does is either completely normal or a massive red flag, depending entirely on which unregulated parenting blog you happen to click on first.

Having twins is basically living in a split-screen psychological experiment where you're constantly, unfairly comparing two human beings who happen to share a birthday. M was waving like a lunatic at streetlamps by eight months, while E was deeply, profoundly interested in the texture of her own thumb. The contrast wasn't just noticeable; it felt like a klaxon sounding in our living room every single day.

What the health visitor actually told us

When you read about autism in babies online, it sounds like a rigid checklist of biological failures, but when we finally dragged our exhausted selves to see Susan, our NHS health visitor—a woman who permanently smells of strong tea and institutional soap—she painted a much messier picture. She explained that there isn't some magical switch that flips in their brain that you can see on a scan.

Instead, she mumbled something about neuroplasticity and behavioral patterns stacking up over time, which I vaguely understood to mean that we were looking for a collection of missing social connections rather than one big glaring medical symptom. She told us to watch for "social reciprocity." This is basically a very clinical way of saying your child treats you like a moderately annoying piece of furniture while giving their absolute undivided attention to a fascinating speck of dust on the skirting board. We weren't looking for a lack of intelligence; we were looking for a lack of back-and-forth sharing of smiles, sounds, and eye contact.

The sheer panic of the name game

Let me tell you about the absolute psychological torture of trying to get a one-year-old to respond to their name when you're actively worried about their development. It starts casually enough. You say "E, look!" while holding a piece of toast. She doesn't look. You think, well, she's focused on the rug, fair enough.

Then the absurdity escalates. You change your pitch. You start speaking in that horrific, high-pitched squeak that parents use when they're desperate for affection. Still nothing. By Tuesday, you're standing in the middle of the kitchen clapping, whistling, and making rhythmic clicking noises like a wounded seal just to get her to glance up from spinning the wheel of an upturned toy tractor.

The dread just slowly pools in your stomach, because her sister M will snap her head around if I so much as whisper the word 'biscuit' from three rooms away, but E is completely locked into her own private universe. It feels incredibly lonely, standing there holding a wooden spoon, begging your own child to just acknowledge that you exist in the same airspace.

On the flip side, Susan had also mentioned that motor delays like rolling and crawling can sometimes accompany social delays, but E was basically doing gymnastics across the living room rug by seven months, so I just entirely binned that specific worry and chose to fixate exclusively on the eye contact.

Sensory meltdowns in the dairy aisle

The other thing nobody really prepares you for is the sensory processing side of things. I always thought sensory issues just meant kids who didn't like itchy jumpers. I was so incredibly wrong. For E, the world is occasionally just too loud, too bright, and too much, a fact she made abundantly clear during the Great Tesco Incident of last November.

We were in the dairy aisle. The fluorescent lights were humming with that weird, aggressive electrical buzz that you only notice if you're actively trying to listen for it. Suddenly, E stiffened her entire body, clamped her hands over her ears, and let out a scream that I'm pretty sure shattered a bottle of semi-skimmed milk two aisles over. It wasn't a tantrum. She wasn't asking for a yoghurt. She was physically overwhelmed by the environment.

She also developed this intense need for oral sensory feedback. She wasn't just teething; she was furiously seeking pressure, chewing on everything from the TV remote to the cuffs of my best jumper. Out of pure desperation, we ended up getting the Malaysian Tapir Teether from Kianao. It sounds ridiculously specific, I know, but it was an absolute game-changer for us. Because of the weird snout shape on the tapir, she could actually reach the back of her gums where she wanted the most pressure, and the high-contrast black and white design somehow held her attention when everything else was overstimulating. It's constantly covered in dog hair because she drops it every five minutes, but I spend half my life washing that little rubber animal because it genuinely calms her down.

Explore our organic sensory toys if you need something that won't flash, beep, or play aggressive electronic melodies when your child is already on the verge of a meltdown.

Throwing money at the problem

When you're waiting months for an NHS assessment, you start throwing money at things hoping to magically fix the uncertainty. I read that high-contrast patterns are brilliant for visual development and neural pathways in neurodivergent kids.

So, naturally, I bought the Organic Cotton Zebra Blanket. It's... fine. It's objectively a very nice, very soft blanket. But did the bold monochrome zebras unlock some hidden communicative pathway in my daughter's brain? Absolutely not. She completely ignores the majestic pattern and instead just drags it around the house by one specific corner because she likes the tactile sensation of the edge stitching against her cheek. It's a lovely blanket, but it's not a medical device, which is something I had to gently remind myself of at 2 AM.

We also keep the Panda Teether in the changing bag as a backup. It's flatter, so it doesn't give her the deep pressure she likes from the tapir, but it does the job perfectly well when the primary teether is mysteriously missing, usually found three days later wedged inside one of my shoes.

The waiting game

The hardest part about noticing these early signs is the waiting. There's a massive, agonizing gap between spotting the red flags at 12 months and actually getting a formal evaluation at 24 months. You're just stuck in this purgatory of observation, second-guessing every hand flap and every missed point.

Experts and researchers love to preach about early intervention, telling you not to adopt a "wait and see" approach, which is brilliant in theory but practically impossible when the waiting list for a pediatrician is longer than the lifespan of a hamster. Rather than spending your entire night doom-scrolling Mumsnet and trying to diagnose your child based on the vague recollections of someone named 'BoyMom88', you're probably better off just jotting down the weird little things you notice on a piece of paper and forcing a medical professional to look at your notes when the sun is seriously up.

If you're currently falling down the same late-night rabbit hole while your baby refuses to sleep, maybe take a breath, close the browser, and look at some of our calming teethers that might at least buy you five minutes of peace to drink a lukewarm cup of tea.

Questions I typed into Google at 3 AM

How do I get my GP or health visitor to really take me seriously?
You have to be annoying, frankly. I went in with a literal notebook. Don't say "she seems a bit distant." Say "she hasn't responded to her name once in 14 days, she doesn't point at objects, and she loses her mind under fluorescent lights." They use a screening tool called the M-CHAT-R, which is basically a very blunt questionnaire, so having specific, concrete examples of what your kid does (or doesn't do) forces them to move past the "oh, all babies develop differently" platitudes.

What does masking mean, especially in toddler girls?
Susan the health visitor told us that girls are historically underdiagnosed because they're apparently brilliant at mimicking social behaviors to blend in. It's called masking. E will sometimes force a smile if she sees M smiling, not because she's happy, but because she's copying the data input. It's exhausting for them, which usually results in colossal, inexplicable meltdowns the second they get back to the safety of their own house.

Are wooden or simple toys really better for sensory issues?
In my incredibly unprofessional opinion: yes. The plastic toys that sing the alphabet while flashing strobe lights are basically sensory weapons. E would just sit and press the same flashing button 400 times in a row, completely zoning out. When we switched to simple blocks or wooden things, she honestly had to engage her brain to figure out how they worked, even if she just ended up lining them all up in a perfectly straight, color-coordinated row.

Will she ever grow out of the hand-flapping?
Probably not entirely, and that's okay. It's called "stimming" (self-stimulating behavior). E flaps her hands when she's excited, stressed, or just trying to keep stable her nervous system. Once I realized it wasn't hurting anyone and was just her weird little way of processing the world, I stopped worrying about it. It's just her version of me aggressively tapping my foot during a boring Zoom meeting.

How do you survive the agonizing wait for an assessment?
By accepting that a diagnosis doesn't really change who your kid is; it just gives you an instruction manual for how their brain works. Whether E is officially on the spectrum or just marching to the beat of her own very specific, very quiet drum, she's still the exact same kid who stole a whole block of cheddar cheese from the fridge yesterday. You just take it one absurd, exhausting day at a time.