Surviving a Baby Ostrich Encounter With Your Sanity Intact
Before we packed up the minivan to visit the drive-through wildlife ranch out by the highway last weekend, I managed to get three entirely contradictory pieces of advice about the ostriches. My mom, bless her heart, told me on the...
Why Tiny Panther Movies and Reptile Pets Break Baby's System
I was holding exactly one half of a mashed banana when my seven-year-old nephew, visiting from Seattle for the weekend, loudly demanded we acquire a baby panther. It was 7:15 AM on a Saturday. My eleven-month-old son was currently mashing...
Dear Past Me: The Ultimate Baby Proofing System for Clueless Dads
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently feeling pretty smug. Your baby is five months old, mostly stays exactly where you put him, and basically acts like a warm, milk-drunk potato. You look around our Portland apartment and think,...
Surviving the 5 Month Old Baby Chaos Without Losing Your Mind
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark staring at the video monitor like it was a horror movie. My middle child, who up until that week had been a perfectly stationary potato, was...
What the 100 Baby Challenge Sims 4 Taught Me About Real Twins
There's half a mashed banana firmly cemented to the kitchen ceiling, and I'm currently crouched behind the breakfast island while my two-year-old twin daughters aggressively negotiate the ownership of a wooden block using only high-pitched, dolphin-like squeals. It's 7:14 in...
Surviving the Baby Bull Phase: Blenders, Bulldogs, and Purees
I was standing in my kitchen wearing yesterday's yoga pants, staring at a splatter of neon orange sweet potato on my ceiling while our rescue pit mix tried to lick the matching orange stain off my six-month-old's foot. The myth...
The 3 AM Pajama Panic (And How I Finally Figured Out Baby Sleepwear)
It was 2:14 AM and the red numbers on my alarm clock were basically mocking me while I stood in the middle of our drafty farmhouse nursery trying not to have a complete meltdown. My oldest son was four weeks...
The 3 AM Plastic Meltdown That Redefined Babys Spielzeug For Me
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husbandβs inexplicably stained college sweatpants. Leo, who was eight months old at the time and deep into a sleep regression that made me question all my life choices,...
Dear Tom: The Truth About Buying A Baby Quilt
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the landing outside the twins' room at 3:14 AM. Your lower back is pressed against the radiator, you've a Calpol syringe in your breast pocket like a...