Why My Spine Hated Me Until I Finally Figured Out Baby Ergo Rules
It was August 2019 at the Blanco County Fair, and I was actively regretting every life decision that had led me to that exact moment. I was sweating through a cheap polyester carrier Iβd grabbed off a clearance rack, my...
Why The Baby Delight Bassinet Might Actually Save Your Sanity
It was 3:14 in the morning, and I was staring at a fifteen-hundred-dollar spaceship of a smart sleeper that my colicky firstborn was currently screaming bloody murder inside of. That was the exact moment I realized the biggest myth in...
Surviving That First Ridiculous Baby Day Out Into The Wild
I stood with my hand hovering over the front door handle for a solid forty-five minutes, paralyzed by indecision. My twin girls, who were roughly ten weeks old at the time, were actually asleep in the gargantuan double buggy that...
The Surprising First Responder Truth About Baby On Board Stickers
My mom handed me the classic yellow diamond at my wife's baby shower, saying it would force aggressive Portland drivers to stop tailgating our Subaru. Two days later, my father-in-law told me to throw it directly in the trash because...
The Baby Buddha Breast Pump: A Dadβs Guide to Troubleshooting
It was 3 AM, and I was holding a pair of digital calipers, trying to measure my wife's nipples to the exact millimeter while she glared at me from the edge of the bed. This isn't exactly how I pictured...
The Only Baby Registry List That Won't Make You Lose Your Mind
I was sitting on the surprisingly sticky linoleum floor in aisle 14 of Target, holding one of those plastic registry scanner guns like it was a literal weapon, and I was openly weeping. It was a Tuesday. I was seven...
Surviving The Slippery Newborn Phase With A Mesh Seat
My knees were cracking against the cold hexagonal tile of our vintage Chicago apartment bathroom while I gripped a screaming, six-pound human who felt exactly like a wet football covered in olive oil. The tap was running. Steam was fogging...
The 3 AM rabbit hole of the Abby and Brittany Hensel baby rumors
The digital clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM. My toddler was currently executing a perfect structural collapse on the kitchen floor because his lower left molar was crowning. Getting a teething baby back to sleep is basically like triaging...
Debugging The Infant Travel System Compatibility Matrix
It's currently forty-two degrees and raining sideways in the parking lot of a Portland Target, and I'm aggressively jiggling a piece of molded plastic while my eleven-month-old son screams as if I've deeply betrayed him. I'm trying to attach his...