The Truth About That Devil May Cry Baby Search You Did Last Night
Dear Jess from six months ago, I see you. You're standing at the kitchen island, up to your elbows in mashed sweet potatoes, trying to finish two custom embroidery orders for the Etsy shop before the post office in town...
Why we sing hello my baby hello my honey at 3 AM to survive
Listen. Don't do what I did last Tuesday night. Don't stand in the dark swaying your screaming infant, realize you only know the chorus to the cartoon frog song, and try to pull up the hello my baby hello my...
My Kid is Obsessed with Chiquita Baby Monster and I Am Tired
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, which in my house is basically the witching hour but with more aggressive demands for waffles. I was standing in the kitchen wearing a robe that distinctly smelled like old milk and failure,...
My Kids Discovered Britney Spears Baby One More Time (Oh God)
It was exactly 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in front of the coffee maker wearing my husband Dave's old Syracuse sweatpantsβthe ones with the mysterious hardened yogurt stain on the left kneeβwhen I heard it. Maya,...
Why the True Story of Brenda's Got A Baby Changed My Parenting
It was 3:14 AM. I know the exact time because I track every single one of my son's sleep disturbances in a spreadsheet, like some sort of deranged data analyst trying to find a pattern in pure chaos. I was...
What the Blueface Baby Tabloid Drama Actually Taught Me About Safety
My mom called me last week in an absolute panic saying I needed to delete my apps because parents were chucking their infants at walls, my neighbor Sarah cornered me at the mailbox to tell me belly button hernias mean...
Bigbang Fantastic Baby: A Dad's Guide to Infant Auditory Safety
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the exact center of our living room in Portland, holding an 11-month-old who's currently wearing only a diaper and one mismatched sock, while the opening synth chords of a legendary 2012...
Surviving The Kpop Demon Hunters Baby Phase With Twin Toddlers
I'm currently crouched behind our kitchen island at 6:15 am, clutching a lukewarm mug of instant coffee and watching my two-year-old daughters attempt a synchronized tactical roll across the living room rug. One of them is holding a rather grubby...
The Late Night Search History of a Clueless Dad
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, the bathroom tiles are freezing your bare feet, and your phone screen brightness is aggressively burning your retinas because you forgot to...