A First-Time Dad's Guide to Surviving the Infant Knit Sweater
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently standing in the nursery, sweating straight through your gray t-shirt, staring at a rigid, cable-knit wool tube. Your son, who was perfectly happy three minutes ago, is now purple and screaming. His...
Dear Past Marcus: The Hard Truth About Organic Preemie Clothes
I still smell that specific pink hospital soap sometimes. The foaming one from the wall dispenser outside Pod B. If I close my eyes right now, sitting in my kitchen with a lukewarm coffee while an 11-month-old aggressively tries to...
Why I Swear By A Black Long Sleeve Onesie For Newborns
My mother told me babies should only ever be dressed in white pointelle cotton or pale lemon yellow. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, took one look at my registry and announced that dressing an infant in dark colors would permanently...
Why the baby bodys lustig trend is a medical nightmare
It was 3:14 AM. The dim light of the nursery humidifier was casting a sickly green glow over the changing table. Maya had just delivered a blowout of epic proportions, a true code brown that defied the laws of physics,...
Why the Teething Freezer Trick is a Disaster (And the Silicone Fix)
I was standing in front of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM wearing a t-shirt Iβd spilled coffee on twelve hours earlier, holding my oldest son Tucker while he screamed bloody murder. He was about five months old, drooling like...
The 3 AM Blowout That Made Me Respect the Newborn White Onesie
It was 3:14 AM. November. I know this because my phone flashlight was blinding me and the digital clock on the microwave was blinking in the background while I stood in the kitchen wearing a fleece Target robe from like,...
The Honest Truth About Organic Baby Bibs (And What To Avoid)
I'm currently staring at a mountain of laundry on my living room sofa, and right on top is a graveyard of those stiff, plastic-backed baby bibs I bought for my oldest son five years ago. Bless his heart, he was...
Why Infant Harem Pants Are Actually a Parenting Survival Tool
My mom told me babies need sturdy denim to learn to crawl, bless her heart. My mother-in-law insisted on those traditional smocked bubbles that require an engineering degree to snap together on a moving target. And my best friend from...
The Pyjama Baby Protocol: A Dad's 3 AM Debugging Guide
It's exactly 3:14 AM, the nursery thermostat reads a chilling 68.5 degrees, and I'm holding my breath while attempting to thread a tiny, flailing leg into a tube of fabric in near-total darkness. The structural integrity of the diaper has...