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How We Built a Baby Saja Costume (Without the Meltdown)
I was holding a detached, highly synthetic faux-collar in my left hand while my eleven-month-old son actively tried to eat a teal polyester wig. This was iteration one of the baby Saja outfit, ordered at 2 AM from a drop-shipping...
What I Got Completely Wrong About Baby Cereal
There's a patch of gray, cement-like substance currently adhered to the underside of my kitchen island, and I honestly don't think it's ever coming off. It has survived three rounds of antibacterial spray, a vigorous scrubbing with a wire brush,...
The Truth About Baby's Breath (And Why Pinterest Lied To You)
My hand was hovering roughly two millimeters above my son's chest, waiting for a movement that seemed to be taking centuries. The clock said 3:14 AM. The baby monitor cast a weird green glow over the room, making everything look...
What Is a Rainbow Baby? The Beautiful, Messy, Anxious Reality
I was standing in the wildly unflattering fluorescent lighting of a Buc-ee's bathroom off I-35 when I saw the two pink lines. My oldest, who's a walking cautionary tale of why you shouldn't let a toddler eat a powdered donut...
The Great Gerber Baby Myth and The Reality of Infant Parenting
I'm currently staring at a smear of what I think is pureed sweet potato on my kitchen ceiling. I don't know how it got up there. My son is eleven months old, sits exactly thirty-two inches below that spot in...
Raising A Baby Boy: Surviving The Chaos And Finding Cute Clothes
When I was eight months pregnant with my oldestβthe child who's now officially my daily cautionary taleβI got three distinct pieces of advice in the span of one afternoon. The lady at the post office told me boys are emotionally...
Surviving the "Pretty Little Baby" Illusion (And Other Newborn Real...
I'm standing in the poorly lit postnatal ward of a central London hospital, staring at what looks like two furious, bruised potatoes. My wife is completely unconscious, having just performed a biological miracle that looked exactly like a medical emergency,...
The Only Things You Actually Need For A New Baby (And What To Skip)
"You absolutely need the wipe warmer," my sister-in-law hissed across the table, leaning in like she was giving me state secrets. "If a cold wipe touches that baby's bottom, you'll never sleep again." "Don't buy anything," my hippie neighbor countered...
Why Baby Reindeer is Actually a Terrible Nursery Theme (And Show)
On a random Tuesday last month, I received three completely contradictory pieces of data within the span of six hours. First, my coworker Todd slacked me a message between server deployments saying, "Dude, you gotta check out that baby reindeer...