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Why My Wife Wears a Nursing Necklace (And I Got Yelled At)
There was exactly one drop of blood on Sarahβs collarbone. It was Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the nursery temperature was holding steady at an best 69.2 degrees, and our then-five-month-old had decided that nursing was no longer a standard food-acquisition...
The Real Deal With Infant Cotton Socks (And Why I Panicked at 3 AM)
Picture this. Itβs mid-July, seven years ago. I'm sitting in a sweltering hospital room wearing a stained gray nursing tank, sweating profusely, holding my two-day-old daughter, Maya. In walks my mother-in-law, who takes one look at Mayaβs tiny, slightly purple...
What I Got Entirely Wrong About Dressing A Human In Baby Pants
There I was at three in the morning, holding a tiny pair of denim jeans with a functional metal zipper, trying to thread the flailing legs of a screaming three-week-old into them. It was my first month of motherhood. I...
The Day I Threw Out Every Plastic Plate in My House
There was spaghetti sauce on the ceiling. I'm still not entirely sure how the physics of it worked, but my oldestβwho is the cautionary tale for 90% of my parenting decisionsβhad just execute a flawless, unprovoked karate kick to the...
Why the Teething Freezer Trick is a Disaster (And the Silicone Fix)
I was standing in front of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM wearing a t-shirt Iβd spilled coffee on twelve hours earlier, holding my oldest son Tucker while he screamed bloody murder. He was about five months old, drooling like...
The ugly truth about silicone jewelry teething trends and safety
I was standing in the checkout line at the Target on Roosevelt Road with a lukewarm cold brew I was too exhausted to actually drink when the geometric mint-green necklace snapped. Maya had a death grip on the nylon string....
Dear Past Marcus: You Will Wear Silicone Teething Jewelry
Itβs 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and youβre standing in the kitchen watching Maya try to tape her favorite delicate gold chain back together while our five-month-old daughter looks on with zero remorse. Youβre currently thinking, Wow, babies have an...
A Letter to Myself About Those Aesthetic Silicone Teething Toys
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting cross-legged on the gross, unfinished plywood floor of the attic. You're wearing that oversized grey college sweatshirt with the mysterious mustard stain on the left cuff, sweating profusely because it's...
The 3 AM Poop Blowout That Saved Me From Over-The-Head Onesies
There was poop in Leoβs ear. I donβt mean a little smudge, I mean a scientifically impossible amount of bright yellow liquid nightmare that had somehow defied gravity and traveled all the way up his back, past his neck, and...