Dear Past Jess: The Brutal Truth About Raising A Baby Parrot
There's weird, lukewarm yellow formula cemented into my hair, the digital food thermometer is blinking an angry red 106 degrees at me, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the laundry room floor at two in the morning desperately...
Navigating Modern Baby Safety in a Wild World (And My Anxiety)
My mother-in-law told me yesterday that if I even let Maya look at an iPad before she's twelve, I'm basically frying her frontal lobe and guaranteeing she won't get into college. Then, literally an hour later, my best friend texted...
The 2 AM Snot Panic and the Alligator Wrestling Match
I was sitting in the rocking chair at two in the morning, holding my oldest kid when he was just three weeks old, and he sounded exactly like a forty-pound pug who had just run a marathon in the Texas...
The day a magnetic baby lock defeated my husband and saved the bleach
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 10:14 AM, and I was wearing a pair of gray maternity sweatpants that had a questionable yogurt stain on the left thigh. Maya was at preschool, and Leo was nine months old. He had...
The Brutal Reality Of Trying To Find A Safe Baby Life Jacket
July 2018. Lake George. I'm standing on a splintery wooden dock in a Target floral maxi dress that I thought made me look like a breezy, relaxed coastal mom but was actually just wrapping around my ankles and tripping me....
How A Weird Little Platypus Baby Cured My Milestone Anxiety
I was sitting on the freezing hexagonal tiles of our extremely cramped downstairs bathroom at 3:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's gym shorts that Iβd aggressively rolled up at the waist and a nursing tank covered in what I...
Oh My Little Baby Boy: Demolishing The Tough Infant Myth Today
I was in the middle of wrestling a mustard-yellow blowout off my six-month-old when my great-aunt patted my shoulder and told me I was coddling him. He was sobbing because he was cold and covered in his own waste. I...
Saline Drops for Babies: Surviving the Midnight Snot Triage
The baby monitor is a liar. It amplifies every rustle of a sleep sack until it sounds like a break-in. But at two in the morning, the sound that actually pulls you from your REM cycle is the death rattle....
Dear past Priya, please stop trying to scrub baby skin raw
You're sitting on the cold tile of our Chicago apartment bathroom. It's February, which means the air inside the apartment is roughly as humid as a saltine cracker. The green plastic infant tub is taking up the entire shower floor,...