Before And After Nursing School: The Truth About Baby Reflexes
I dropped a metal travel mug on our hardwood floor at two in the morning. The sound echoed like a gunshot through our cramped Chicago apartment. My two-week-old son, who was dead asleep on his back in the bassinet, violently...
The baby scale anxiety trap (and why we threw ours out)
It's 4:12 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in the kitchen illuminated only by the aggressive blue backlight of an LCD screen, trying to calculate the relative density of a soiled nappy. I'm staring at an Excel spreadsheet that...
The Honest Truth About Baby Aquaphor: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of Target. It's a Tuesday, I think. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that have the weird crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh that you swore you'd...
Surviving The Slippery Newborn Phase With A Mesh Seat
My knees were cracking against the cold hexagonal tile of our vintage Chicago apartment bathroom while I gripped a screaming, six-pound human who felt exactly like a wet football covered in olive oil. The tap was running. Steam was fogging...
Dear Past Sarah: Everything To Know About The Baby Whale Phase
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. I know this because I remember the exact smell of the lavender air freshener you're stress-spraying, and I know you're wearing those black Lululemon leggings with...
My Chicago Winter Blowout and the Perfect Onesies Baby
It was two in the morning inside the Northwestern Memorial Hospital parking garage in late January. The wind off Lake Michigan was doing that thing where it physically hurts your face. My daughter, then six weeks old, had just weaponized...
Surviving the first weeks with your new baby without losing it
I was sitting in the passenger seat of our Honda CR-V on top of a literal ice pack, staring at the mirror angled toward the car seat in the back. My husband was driving ten miles under the speed limit...
Finding the Normal Temperature for Baby Without Losing Your Mind
I was sitting on the edge of the nursery glider at 2:14 in the morning, staring at the glowing red screen of a plastic forehead scanner, completely convinced my firstborn was boiling from the inside out. He felt like a...
3 AM Server Logs and Unexpected Pediatric Data from Paris Hilton
Dear Marcus of Six Months Ago, You're currently sitting in the dark in our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the harsh blue glow of the baby monitor and a half-empty mug of coffee you microwaved three times and still forgot...