Magazine

Stressed dad looking out at a backyard wooden deck with a baby monitor

When the Backyard Becomes a Skunk Nursery (And How We Survived)

At exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was sitting in the dark, compiling a massive block of legacy code, when I smelled it. It wasn't the usual Portland ambient scent of wet pine needles and artisanal coffee. It smelled...

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A stressed mom holding a baby card and a spilled iced coffee in the greeting card aisle

A Letter To Myself: Stop Buying Crap and Write a Better Baby Card

Dear Sarah from last October, You're currently standing in the greeting card aisle at the Target on Route 17, wearing those black leggings with the mysterious yogurt stain on the left knee, holding an iced oat milk latte that's aggressively...

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A blurry black and white night vision baby monitor feed showing a baby sleeping

Why Your Night Vision Baby Monitor Feed Looks Paranormal

We're exactly 42 minutes into what the internet brutally refers to as the nine-month sleep regression, and my son's night vision monitor feed looks less like a peaceful nursery and more like found footage from a Roswell crash site. His...

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A wooden baby play gym set up in a living room next to organic clothing.

What a Screaming Backyard Wild Bird Taught Me About Motherhood

It was 102 degrees in the shade, the kind of Texas summer afternoon where the air feels like hot soup and you sweat just blinking, and I was up to my elbows in diaper cream when the back screen door...

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A half-empty infant oil container tipped over next to organic cotton nappies and a wooden teething toy on a rug.

The Great Baby Oil Bottle Disaster: What I Actually Know Now

It's twenty past midnight, and I'm currently holding what feels exactly like a greased watermelon. Twin One (who used to be the calm one, though we’ve long abandoned that classification) has just executed a flawless, aggressive barrel roll on the...

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Tired father holding two babies while looking at his smartphone in the dark

Why Late-Night Google Is the Enemy of Natural Baby Care

I'm sitting on the floor of the nursery at 3:14 AM, the harsh blue glow of my smartphone illuminating a stain on my jogging bottoms that I'm fiercely praying is just mashed sweet potato. I'm reading a parenting forum post...

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Portland dad playing acoustic guitar while 11-month-old baby chews on a wooden toy

Debugging My 11-Month-Old Baby's First Guitar Playing Setup

Yesterday at exactly 4:13 PM, my daughter attempted to eat the low E string off my Martin acoustic dreadnought. I was sitting on the rug in our living roomβ€”which I keep at a very precise, data-backed 68.5 degrees for best...

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Exhausted father trying to figure out a knotted newborn sleep gown in the dark

The 3AM Nappy Change That Made Me Believe in Baby Gowns

It's 03:14 on a Tuesday, and I'm quietly crying. Not the majestic, single-tear-rolling-down-the-cheek crying you see in cinema, but the silent, pathetic, shoulder-heaving sort. I'm kneeling on the floor of our cramped London nursery, holding my breath, trying to align...

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Two angry twin babies wearing oversized fluffy novelty hats indoors.

Surviving the British Guard Beannie Baby Phase

Sweat was actively pooling in the crevice of Florence’s third chin. It was Boxing Day, the central heating was aggressively set to what I can only describe as 'Florida retirement home,' and my mother-in-law had just wedged both twins into...

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