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Debugging My 11-Month-Old Baby's First Guitar Playing Setup
Yesterday at exactly 4:13 PM, my daughter attempted to eat the low E string off my Martin acoustic dreadnought. I was sitting on the rug in our living room—which I keep at a very precise, data-backed 68.5 degrees for best...
Dear Past Jess: The Messy Truth About Board Books for Babies
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum of the kitchen floor, surrounded by three baskets of unfolded laundry, staring at your youngest child. You just had to stick your index finger into his mouth...
The Messy Truth About First Words (And Why I Stopped Panicking)
I was wearing those awful grey maternity leggings that I refused to throw away, smelling faintly of sour milk, sitting on a beige rug that's now permanently stained with something I refuse to identify. Leo was fourteen months old, pointing...
A Letter to Myself About That Ridiculous Digital Baby Tiger
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know you're currently standing at the kitchen island, elbow-deep in raw chicken while the baby aggressively throws cheerios at the dog, but I need you to drop the tongs and walk into the...
Why I Finally Banned Baby Super Bratz Movies in My House
I was up to my elbows in Etsy shipping labels, frantically trying to beat the rural Texas post office cutoff time, when I heard the unmistakable sound of my good MAC lipstick being dragged across the hardwood floor. You know,...
My Honest Take on the Weird Baby Saja Coloring Page Obsession
It was exactly 6:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was holding a half-empty mug of yesterday's cold brew, staring blankly at my kitchen wall. My bare left heel had just found a rogue black colored pencil in the hallway—you...
Why john baby doll dixon won't help you buy a safe baby doll
My mother-in-law told me yesterday that Maya needed a doll immediately to develop her maternal instincts before she turns two. My pediatrician muttered something vaguely terrifying about the airway obstruction risks of cheap toy accessories. The woman next to me...
The Tomodachi Life Save Editor Panic: Hacking for Virtual Babies
It was exactly 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing a target-brand fleece robe that has an unidentifiable crusty stain on the left pocket (yogurt? toothpaste? honestly I don't want to know), pouring my...
How Many Babies Do Squirrels Have? A Garden Mystery
The incident began on a particularly damp Tuesday in our local park, right around the time I was wondering if it was socially acceptable to drink a lukewarm thermos of coffee at 9 a.m. Maya and Chloe had their faces...