Why I Finally Stopped Fighting Blankets for Baby Sleeping Bags
It's 2:14 AM. I'm standing over a crib, attempting to fold a standard square blanket into some kind of secure, un-kickable origami structure around my eleven-month-old son. He is currently employing the evasive maneuvers of a startled squid. Every time...
Surviving the newborn clothing trap and the truth about baby shirts
The meconium was somehow behind his left ear. I was twenty-four hours postpartum, sitting in a dimly lit Chicago hospital room, trying to remove a rigid, non-stretch cotton collar from my son's wobbly, grapefruit-sized head without getting the black tar-like...
The Day a Snapless Sweater Romper Broke My Parenting Firmware
I'm standing in the incredibly cramped, dimly lit bathroom of a Stumptown Coffee on Belmont, holding my 11-month-old son suspended in mid-air like a ticking bomb. He has just experienced a Level 4 containment breach. The payload has escaped the...
Why I Googled Decke Merinowolle at 3 AM to Stop Baby Sweats
It was 2:43 AM on a Tuesday in late November. Rain was furiously hammering the window of our Portland duplex, and I was standing over my 11-month-old sonβs crib holding a digital infrared meat thermometer. He was screaming, obviously, but...
Why I Stopped Laughing at Baby Cashmere (And Nineteen Tiny Goats)
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm standing over the bathroom sink with a bottle of pH-neutral baby shampoo, gently massaging a piece of knitwear the size of a side plate while Florence screams from the nursery as if she's...
The Great Baby Girl Wallpaper Debug: A Dad's Guide to Nursery Decor
I'm standing on a step stool at 11 PM with a plastic putty knife in my hand, frantically trying to scrape a semi-congealed layer of industrial adhesive off the drywall before it permanently bonds. My wife Sarah is standing in...
Why I Finally Unboxed the Fancy Cashmere Baby Blanket
It was 2:14 AM during that massive Texas freeze a few years back, and I could literally see my breath in my oldest son Calebβs nursery. The power had been out for six hours. I was standing over his bassinet...
The Truth About Baby Cowgirl Boots (And My Epic Buying Mistakes)
It was October 2018. I was standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of violently mustard-colored corduroy overalls that I thought made me look like a cool Brooklyn mom but actually made me look like a giant toddler, chugging lukewarm...
The Truth On Easy Crochet Baby Blanket Patterns Free
I'm sitting cross-legged on the living room rug at twenty past midnight, entirely bound in a web of aggressively yellow yarn, trying to pause a YouTube video with my nose because both my hands are currently serving as a makeshift...