The Truth Behind the Missing Baby Yucaipa Panic
The rain was pounding on the windshield of my Honda Odyssey in a Chicago Target parking lot. I was sitting there with the engine idling, watching my toddler sleep in his car seat, dreading the moment I had to wake...
The Mason Disick Baby Hoax and My Massive Digital Parenting Panic
My mum told me on Tuesday that if I ever post another photo of the girls online, criminals on the dark web will steal their identities and open credit cards in their names. A bloke I vaguely know from the...
Dear Past Me: Please Stop Stressing Over the Baby Weight Chart
I was cleaning out my messy Google Drive about 6 months agoβlooking for a recipe I never ended up makingβand I found a draft of a letter I had started writing to my past self. I was looking at old...
That Viral Donkey Game Is Ruining My Search History
I was pumping at three in the morning in my dark Chicago apartment, half-asleep, trying to find a specific wooden animal push-toy my mother-in-law swore was the secret to getting my toddler to walk. I typed what I thought was...
The "Baby Jane" Effect: Surviving the Psychological Thriller of Par...
It's 3:14 AM, the nursery is exactly 69.4 degrees according to my three separate thermometers, and outside my window, the Portland rain sounds like static. I'm sitting cross-legged on the rug, barely breathing, watching the chest of my 11-month-old daughter...
I'm a Baby Kitty Where's Mama: Surviving The Feline Phase
My hands were aggressively deep in a bowl of raw ground beef and breadcrumbs when I felt something wet drag across my bare ankle. I didn't even jump. When you've three kids under five, you just accept that random wet...
Dear Past Me: The Truth About Parenting Lifelines and Sanity
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. Youβre sitting on the sticky linoleum floor in the kitchen right next to the dog's water bowl. You're wearing Daveβs oversized gray hoodie that smells faintly of old garlic and you're mainlining your...
Letter to Past Marcus: Baby Rattlesnakes & Other Terrors
Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, the retina display of your phone burning a hole in your exhausted corneas because you tried to Google "best wooden baby...
The parking lot panic and the truth about keeping kids safe
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're sitting in the back of your Honda CR-V in the Target parking lot on Elston Avenue. The doors are locked. The engine is running. You're sweating through your grey scrub top. You just...