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How to execute the sorry sir not your baby boundary script
We were in the produce section of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer, right between the bruised organic honeycrisps and that terrifying misting machine that sounds like a tiny jet engine spinning up. My 11-month-old son was strapped into his stroller, chewing...
The Truth About the SSA Baby Name Database (And My Biggest Regret)
I was 38 weeks pregnant, wedged into a kitchen chair that suddenly felt way too small, staring at a glowing spreadsheet of baby names at 11 PM. My husband was standing by the open fridge eating cold deli turkey straight...
The Co-Parenting Chaos Nobody Warns You About
I'm sitting in my minivan outside a Starbucks in River North watching my friend do a custody handoff that looks exactly like a Code Blue in the ER. Just pure, uncoordinated panic. She's shoving a heavy diaper bag at her...
The Stork Baby Myth and the Brutal Reality of Postpartum
My mother-in-law walked into my Chicago apartment holding a massive stuffed white bird with a little cloth bundle in its beak. She placed it right next to the bassinet, beaming with that specific kind of grandmotherly pride. I just stared...
The Absolute Real Truth About Having a Sugar Baby 2024 Edition
I was literally standing in the middle of the Target baby aisle on a Tuesday at 9 AM, wearing yesterday's yoga pants that definitely had dried oatmeal on the knee, holding a pouch of pureed pear and spinach, when my...
The Messy Truth About Feeding Sugar Baby Melons to Infants
I'm currently staring at my kitchen counter, which looks exactly like a crime scene. I've a paring knife in one hand, half of a tiny, bowling-ball-sized watermelon in the other, and sticky pink juice running all the way down to...
The Myth of the Super Baby: What I Wish I Knew Six Months Ago
It's three in the morning. I'm sitting on the nursery rug, holding a high-contrast black-and-white flashcard of a geometric panda mere inches from my son's face. He is not looking at the panda. He is deeply, profoundly interested in the...
The unglamorous truth of raising a super diaper baby
The digital clock on my nightstand said 2:14 AM, and the wind off Lake Michigan was rattling our bedroom windows. My husband was standing near the door holding a tub of wet wipes like he was waiting for someone to...
Sweet Baby Inc Detected? Why Parents Are Panicking Over Nothing
I was standing in my kitchen at 6:45 AM on a Tuesday, wearing those embarrassing grey college sweatpants with the bleach stain on the thigh, holding my third cup of coffee. My phone buzzed with a text from my sister,...