Magazine
Why That Motorized Baby G Wagon Almost Ruined My Tuesday
It was 9:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a pair of yoga pants that had lost their elasticity sometime around the Obama administration, sprinting down our gently sloping driveway while screaming at my four-year-old son, Leo. He...
The Day We Brought A Swamp Creature Into My Kitchen
It was exactly 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing my husbandβs ten-year-old college sweatshirt with a mysterious bleach stain on the sleeve. I hadn't even taken my first sip of lukewarm oat milk...
The Horrifying Truth About Baby FNAF: A Tired Dad's Discovery
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter Maya sat bolt upright in her cot, pointed a trembling, chubby finger at the slightly ajar wardrobe door, and shrieked something about a clown with a claw in its tummy. Her twin...
Surviving the Absolute Chaos of Your Baby First Food Milestone
There's a very specific sound that pureed sweet potato makes when it hits a freshly painted Victorian ceiling, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that it resembles a wet golf ball striking mud. I was standing in our...
The Real Baby Fever Meaning: From Cute Cravings to 2 AM Panics
I was standing in the baby aisle of a Target in 2014, wearing one of those aggressively chunky infinity scarves that were a literal choke hazard, weeping into my overpriced iced Americano. A woman had just walked past me wearing...
The Truth About Baby Fat and Why My Doctor Said Stop Stressing
I was sitting on the crinkly paper of the exam table at our pediatricianβs office, practically sweating through my shirt, while my middle child Wyatt sat there looking like a dinner roll that had just exploded out of its tin....
Why That Baby Farm Netflix Series Messed Up My Sleep Schedule
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the faux-leather glider at two in the morning. Your little beta is finally asleep against your chest, her breathing heavy and rhythmic. You're wired. You're holding your...
Why My Spine Hated Me Until I Finally Figured Out Baby Ergo Rules
It was August 2019 at the Blanco County Fair, and I was actively regretting every life decision that had led me to that exact moment. I was sweating through a cheap polyester carrier Iβd grabbed off a clearance rack, my...
A Dad's 3 AM Guide to Surviving Your First Baby Ear Infection
Dear Tom from November, It's currently 3:14 AM. You're standing in the kitchen illuminated only by the aggressive blue light of the microwave clock, holding Maya, who's emitting a high-pitched, sustained note usually reserved for distressed dolphins. You're trying to...