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The Baby Owl Bug: Sleep Hacks, Separation Panic and Bird Law
My mom told me on Tuesday to just let him cry it out because he's testing my authority, which is hilarious because he's eleven months old and mostly communicates by blowing raspberries at the dog. On Wednesday, our ultra-crunchy Portland...
Dear Jess: What I Wish I Knew Before the Baby Hummingbird Incident
Dear Jess of last May, put down the plastic eye dropper and step away from the kitchen counter before you inadvertently commit a federal wildlife crime. Right now, the baby is strapped to your sweaty chest in the carrier, the...
Surviving a baby coyote encounter with jetlagged twin toddlers
It was 4:17 in the morning in suburban California, and I was losing my mind. We had foolishly decided to drag our two-year-old twin girls on a twelve-hour flight from Heathrow to Los Angeles to visit my wife's brother, operating...
Surviving the American baby copperhead panic as a clueless dad
The humidity in North Carolina in late August is a physical assault, the kind of oppressive heat that makes your clothes feel like a wet apology. I was standing on my American in-laws' patio, clutching a rapidly melting gin and...
What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Baby Bird in the Backyard
I'm currently crouched in the damp Portland mud, holding my 11-month-old by the back of his diaper like a defective briefcase, while we both stare at a violently vibrating clump of feathers in the grass. It looks like a moldy...
Dear Past Sarah: What I Wish I Knew About The Entire Bear Phase
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, slightly sticky linoleum of the downstairs bathroom, hiding from your own family. Itβs, like, 9 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those gray sweatpants with the...
Backyard Baby Ducks: A Dad's Guide to Feathers, Fluff, and Chaos
If you've ever seen a cartoon or read a children's book, you probably think a baby duckβs default state is bobbing happily in a crystal-clear pond while eating breadcrumbs, which is exactly why I nearly short-circuited when my wife pointed...
How To Survive An Actual Baby's Day Out Without The Slapstick
It was precisely 10:14 AM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the parking lot of a suburban Target wearing gray yoga pants that had a highly suspicious yellow stain near the left knee, crying into...
My chaotic guide to finding an orphaned baby squirrel in your yard
The wind in Chicago in April is basically a personal insult. I was already standing in the kitchen watching my toddler have a full-scale meltdown because his morning banana had the audacity to break in half. I was mentally calculating...