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The ugly truth about that neon plastic baby play gym you just bought
I was sitting cross-legged on my living room rug at three in the morning, holding a screwdriver and weeping quietly over a piece of molded plastic that required four D batteries. The box promised it would stimulate my newborn's cognitive...
The Brutal Truth About Car Seats For Babies And Surviving The Setup
It was late August in Texas, meaning the hospital parking lot felt like the inside of a preheated oven. My husband Dave was violently yanking a seatbelt through a gray plastic base, sweating completely through his shirt, while the discharge...
A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Sunscreen for Babies This Summer
I'm currently pinning my eleven-month-old son against my chest with my left forearm while my right hand desperately tries to smear a thick, chalky white paste across his nose. He is thrashing like a crocodile in a death roll. He...
The Absurd Reality of Buying Newborn Outfits for the First Time
It's 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm actively wrestling a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans onto a creature that has the structural integrity of a warm Yorkshire pudding. This was my grand introduction to the greatest myth of...
The sweet potato incident and the messy truth about infant spoons
There was sweet potato puree on the ceiling. I still don't fully understand the physics of how it got there, but there it was, a bright orange smear right next to the smoke detector in our Chicago apartment. My son...
Exposing the Real Job of a Brand Ambassador in the Baby World
I was sitting on my living room rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, trying to bribe my screaming toddler with a half-eaten graham cracker so he would hold a wooden rattle for exactly three seconds. The natural...
The Great Baby Blanket Confusion: What Are Receiving Blankets?
When I was pregnant with my oldest (bless his chaotic, fiercely independent heart), my mom told me I needed at least twenty flannel blankets because babies are fundamentally leaky creatures. Two days later, my mother-in-law handed me a stack of...
Data-Obsessed Dad Review: The Truth About the Pampers Club App
It's 3:14 AM, the ambient temperature in the nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees, and I've a small LED flashlight gripped firmly between my teeth. I'm trying to smooth out a crinkled plastic wrapper from a fresh sleeve of Swaddlers so...
The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide to the Adult Bib
I was wearing my husband Dave's faded Syracuse hoodieβthe one with the fraying cuffs that smells faintly of old garlic because he refuses to let me wash it on hotβwhen the coffee went airborne. It was exactly 9:14 AM on...