Magazine

A tired dad looking at a massive spreadsheet of newborn products on his laptop

The Only Realistic Baby Inventory A Panicked Parent Actually Needs

At week 24 of the pregnancy, I made the catastrophic mistake of asking three different people what we needed to buy for our impending human. My mom told me all we needed was love and a massive stack of cloth...

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Confused dad holding a tiny, stretched-out synthetic baby onesie.

Why My Spreadsheet Strategy For Budget Baby Clothes Completely Failed

At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was staring at a pivot table I'd built to calculate the exact cost-per-wear of an infant's wardrobe. My son was three months old at the time, and I was treating his closet like...

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Twin toddlers wearing stained white organic cotton t-shirts at a park

The Absolute Madness of Putting a White Baby Tee on an Infant

We're twenty minutes into what was supposed to be a civilized Sunday picnic in Regent's Park. I'm holding a lukewarm flat white, desperately trying to project an aura of calm competence. Florence and Matilda, my two-year-old twins, are wearing identical,...

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A scattered pile of wooden sorting blocks on a living room rug

My Desperate Search for "Spielzeug fΓΌr 1 JΓ€hrige" (Toys)

Yesterday at 5:14 AM, I staggered into the living room to grab a burp cloth and stepped directly onto a plastic cow that immediately began mooing "Old MacDonald" in a haunting, battery-depleted baritone. My 11-month-old daughter, sitting in her playpen,...

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Tired mom holding a baby while looking confused at a rack of ladies clearance apparel.

The Truth About That Huge Women Clothing Sale For Tired Moms

The right wheel of my double UPPAbaby stroller was jammed so hard against the slatted door of fitting room number three that I couldn't pry it open if there was a fire. I was standing there in a local boutique...

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Priya examining a green organic cotton baby boy romper on a changing table

Why Baby Boy Rompers Are The Only Outfit You Actually Need

I'm standing over the changing table at what feels like three in the morning, trying to thread a miniature leather belt through the belt loops of three-month-old corduroy pants. He is doing the alligator death roll. There's a very specific...

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A wooden toy block and a soft baby blanket on a messy living room floor.

Spielzeug ab 3 Jahren: The Brutally Honest Guide for Parents

There I was, barefoot in my own living room at 6:30 in the morning, stepping squarely on a tiny plastic firefighter hat that came with some massive, overpriced fire truck my oldest got for his third birthday. I’m just gonna...

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Mother organizing a minimalist baby depot of clothes and gear in nursery

Building A Bulletproof Baby Depot For Surviving The Newborn Chaos

It was three in the morning in the dead of a Chicago winter when I finally lost my mind. I was standing in my living room holding a screaming infant, staring at a corner of the house that looked like...

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Sarah holding a massive iced coffee looking stressed inside a brightly lit infant store aisle.

Losing My Mind Inside Infant Stores (And What You Actually Need)

My mother-in-law cornered me at my own baby shower, pointed at my seven-month belly, and told me I needed to buy absolutely everything brand new or the baby would contract some kind of Victorian wasting disease. Twenty minutes later, my...

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