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The Brutal Truth About Buying Actually Useful New Baby Gifts
I'm staring at a pair of infant converse sneakers. They're the size of a jalapeΓ±o. They have actual, functional laces. Someone spent real money on these at a baby shower last weekend, and I know exactly where they're going to...
How to actually choose gifts for infants (without losing your mind)
Before my daughters were born, my mother-in-law insisted we urgently needed an engraved silver rattle because "it's tradition and builds character." The very next day, a hipster barista in Dalston earnestly told me that tiny babies only require the atmospheric...
The No-Nonsense Guide to Buying Secondhand Baby Stuff Safely
I was standing in a humid church gymnasium at 7 AM on a Saturday, seven months pregnant with my oldest son, fighting a woman in a denim jumper for a plastic bouncy seat that smelled faintly of sour milk. I...
The sweet potato incident and the messy truth about infant spoons
There was sweet potato puree on the ceiling. I still don't fully understand the physics of how it got there, but there it was, a bright orange smear right next to the smoke detector in our Chicago apartment. My son...
Surviving baby clothing stores: a nurse's guide to what works
I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, ankles swollen to the size of grapefruits, standing in the middle of a high-end boutique in Lincoln Park. The air smelled like lavender and expensive regret. In my hands, I held a pair of stiff,...
A Letter to Myself: What I Wish I Knew Before Entering the Toy Store
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently standing in the middle of aisle four of a massive, warehouse-style toy store just off the M25, sweating profusely into your supposedly breathable cotton t-shirt while the twins double-team a meltdown...
Surviving the Buy Buy Baby Registry (And Other Twin Tales)
It was a Tuesday evening, somewhere around week nineteen of the twin pregnancy, and I was staring at my iPad with the kind of mounting dread usually reserved for unexpected tax bills. My wife had just handed me the tablet,...
Exposing the Real Job of a Brand Ambassador in the Baby World
I was sitting on my living room rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, trying to bribe my screaming toddler with a half-eaten graham cracker so he would hold a wooden rattle for exactly three seconds. The natural...
Why Infant Silicone Replaced Every Plastic Bowl In My House
I was sitting on my kitchen floor at two in the morning, staring at a warped plastic breast pump flange floating in a pot of boiling water. It had melted just enough to look like modern art. The smell of...