Decoding the Baby Booter Slang: A Dad's Guide to Internet Traps
My mother-in-law texted me at 7:00 AM asking if I'd installed the "booter seat" in the car yet. An hour later, a buddy from my old dev team Slack messaged me a laughing emoji and said I was officially a...
What The Baby Boom Years Actually Taught Me About Motherhood
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. It's Tuesday, 4:13 PM. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that you definitely shouldn't still be wearing because Leo is four years old, and there's a...
How to cook baby bok choy so your infant actually swallows it
It's somehow already dinner time in Chicago. The radiator is hissing, the kitchen smells vaguely of sesame oil and parental desperation, and my toddler is methodically wiping a bright green leaf across her forehead like a damp washcloth. I'm staring...
The Truth About Baby Blue Nails: When to Panic and When to Chill
Maya was exactly three weeks old, and we were sitting in a freezing local coffee shop because I had reached a level of sleep deprivation where I physically needed to be around other adult humans or I was going to...
Daniel Caesar's Baby Blue Is My Secret 3 AM Infant Sleep Hack
Itβs 3:17 AM, and Iβm locked in a staring contest with the glowing red ring of my smart speaker, mentally calculating the exact amount of force required to smash it into a thousand pieces. The hyper-chipper, mechanically synthesized xylophone beat...
The Night My G Baby Discovered Her Gums (and Destroyed My Sanity)
It was 3:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the edge of the bath in our London flat, entirely motionless, letting my daughter chew aggressively on my left clavicle. We had recently started calling her...
The 3 AM Fart Wars: Real Gas Relief For Miserable Babies
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm wearing a stretched-out nursing bra that smells faintly of sour milk and desperation, sitting cross-legged on the nursery rug, furiously pumping my three-week-old son's legs like he's trying to win the Tour de France....
The Honestly Messy Truth On How To Burp A Baby Without Tears
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on your sisterβs hideous beige microfiber sectional at 3:14 AM. You're wearing your husband Mikeβs stained college sweatpants from 2008, the ones with the hole in the left knee. There's...
Unpacking the hit me baby one more time lyrics at 3 AM
It was 3:14 AM in Chicago. The wind was doing that thing where it aggressively rattles the apartment windows, and my toddler was running a mild fever from an ear infection. I was operating on maybe three hours of broken...