Why we sing hello my baby hello my honey at 3 AM to survive
Listen. Don't do what I did last Tuesday night. Don't stand in the dark swaying your screaming infant, realize you only know the chorus to the cartoon frog song, and try to pull up the hello my baby hello my...
My Toddler Found the Lil Baby New Album on Our Smart Speaker
There I was, elbow-deep in cold oatmeal, desperately trying to keep the twins from launching their sticky spoons at the dog, when my four-year-old casually yelled across the kitchen at our smart speaker. Heβs my oldest, which means he's my...
Surviving the Baby Mozart Delusion With Two Extremely Loud Twins
It was 3:14 AM on a dismal, rain-soaked London Tuesday, and I was pinned to the sofa beneath two howling six-month-olds, frantically jabbing at my phone with my nose. I was trying to skip a shockingly loud Spotify advert for...
Melanie Martinez Cry Baby: My Late Night Parenting Heart Attack
It was 10:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a pair of sweatpants that had a questionable stain on the left kneeβprobably yogurt, possibly paint, I really didn't want to investigateβwhen my smart speaker decided to traumatize me....
Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby Lyrics & Toddler Drama
The absolute biggest lie the parenting industry ever managed to sell us is that your Spotify Wrapped needs to look like an eighteenth-century Austrian composer's fever dream for your kid to get into a good kindergarten. I was standing in...
Navigating The CD Baby Login Confusion And Infant Auditory Rules
I was sitting on my laundry room floor at two in the morning with my oldest, trying to drown out his colic screams by frantically scrolling through my phone. My mom had just texted me, "Bless his heart, just get...
Why I Stopped Forcing Aesthetic Crafts and Let My Kids Make a Mess
Dear Jess from six months ago, I'm writing to you from the future, and you need to drop the organic sweet potato puree, step away from the canvas, and take a deep breath. You're currently sitting on the kitchen floor...
Why I Googled the Brooklyn Baby Lyrics in the Minivan Today
Tuesday, 8:14 AM. I'm sitting in the school drop-off line wearing black leggings that haven't actually seen a yoga studio since approximately 2019. There's a crusty white stain on my left knee that I'm aggressively ignoringβit's either toothpaste or yogurt,...
A Letter to My Past Self About Surviving the Baby Shark Dance
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're standing in the kitchen right now. There's a half-eaten piece of toast on the counter and your chai is stone cold. Your sixteen-month-old is in the center of the living room, bouncing at...