So Your Kid Found Baby Owls in the Yard (Put the Bird Down)
I was elbow-deep in cold soapy dishwater trying to scrape crusty oatmeal out of a bowl when my oldest marched through the back door with her hands cupped together like she was holding a sacred treasure. "Mama, I found Hedwig's...
Why We Finally Banned Those Baby Bratz Dolls From Our London Flat
The invasion began on a damp Tuesday afternoon when my wifeβs Auntie Pam breezed into our flat, shook off her umbrella, and dropped a shockingly pink, heavily blister-packed box onto our coffee table. Florence and Matilda, our two-year-old twins who...
The Viral Baby Rasta Drama & The Truth About Public Meltdowns
I was standing in aisle four of our local H-E-B last Tuesday, balancing a jumbo pack of overnight diapers on my left hip while my two-year-old practically levitated out of the shopping cart, screaming at a pitch only dogs and...
Surviving the baby saja costume for kids trend without tears
We were standing in a drafty school gymnasium in Wicker Park when the screaming started. Not the normal toddler whine, but that high-pitched, breathless shriek that makes every parent in a fifty-foot radius freeze. My son was wearing a mass-produced...
Surviving the Neon Chaos of Baby Shark's Big Show with Twins
"Don't let them watch it, it completely ruins their developing attention span," said Sarah from our NCT group, sipping a decaf flat white while her only child quietly consumed an artisanal lentil. "Just put it on, mate, it's the only...
The Desperate Midnight Baby Boo Dance That Saved My Sanity
The linoleum of my kitchen floor is particularly hostile at 3:42 AM, a fact I was contemplating while aggressively swaying left-to-right with a screaming twin strapped to my chest. My shirt was damp with something I desperately hoped was only...
Why I Regret (And Still Love) Buying Baby Blue Jordans For My Kid
It was Tuesday, 2:14 PM, and the sun was absolutely baking the squishy rubber flooring at Centennial Park. I was wearing leggings that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since Sunday and an oversized Nirvana tee with a...
The Great Debate Over Baby Birkenstocks And Tiny Cork Sandals
My mother-in-law sent me a link to some terrifying, Victorian-looking orthopaedic boots at 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, insisting the twins needed them the second they pulled themselves up to stand. That same afternoon, my NCT mateβa lovely woman who...
I Finally Understand The Atomized Baby Meme (And You Will Too)
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the hallway radiator is pressing a distinctly uncomfortable geometric pattern into my lower spine. Florence, who's Twin A and currently engaged in a psychological war against the concept of sleep, has finally passed...